Tintin and the Picaros. Script

You can see the chapter here and here.

Tintin and the Picaros. Script

Haddock: Ahoy, Tintin! Same to you old boy.

Tintin: Hi, Captain! Boy! There's nothing like an invigorating ride in the country air.

Haddock: You mean the cold air. Come on in and warm up.

Tintin: Aaaaah! That's better.

Haddock: Uhm, the new should be on. Blistering barnacles!

Voice on TV: The famous opera Singer Bianca Castafiore arrived in San Teodoros today. She scheduled to give a command performance for General Tapioca this evening. Travelling with her are two highly trained detectives, who have been assigned to keep an eye on madam's extensive jewelry, which it's reportedly insured for over two million dollars. Madam Castafiore will continue her triumphant tour through the rest of this month and Will return to Europe.

Haddock: Uh? Who? Uh? Who?

Jolyon: Yes, Jolyon Wagg. Now, look here. I just saw Bianca on the telly. If she needed insurance,  you should have sent it to me!

Haddock: But… Listen, I...

Jolyon:

Haddock: Well, that's great, but…

Jolyon: And while I got you, Captain, what about your policy on your estate? I can give you a terrific deal, what d'you say?

Haddock: That's what I say! Astrogoth! First Bianca Castafiore, then Jolyon Wagg! What a weight start to weekend. 

Voice on radio: And now the eight o'clock news. Bianca Castafiore was arrested last night in San Teodoro. She is accused of plotting against General Tapioca.

Haddock: Tintin! Tintin! Tapioca has arrested the Castafiore!

Tintin: Are you kidding?

Haddock: No, I'm not. The radio said she was plotting against him or something. Castafiore plotting! That's absolutely ridiculous!

Tintin: I'm sure t's just a misunderstanding.

Calculus: Tintin! Captain! Look! That dictator Tapioca has arrested madam.

Tintin: "Documents detailing plot were found in madam Castafiore's luggage."

Calculus: That's terrible!

Tintin: "The documents named Tintin, Captain Haddock and Professor Calculus as co-conspirators."

Calculus: Simply terrible! Oh, my!

Tintin: "General Tapioca has ordered a full investigation."

Haddock: What a load of bilge!

Tintin: We'd better set Tapioca straight. Let's send him a telegram denying the charges.

Tapioca: Tremble I say, you cowards! Squalking in your dusty mansions! Puppet masters in this vile conspiracy! Tremble crooked Captain Haddock!

Haddock: Crook yourself! You dictatorial duckbill diplodgas!

Tapioca: I have just received this. It is a telegram from Tintin denying the charges. Well, I am reasonable man. This be an innocent misunderstanding. And that's it's why I invit Tintin and his Friends to come to Tapiocopolis to clear this matter up. I personally guarantee them safe passage for a fair and frank exchange of views. My only aimit's to seek out the truth!

Haddock: Well, that's good enough for me.

Tintin: Could be a trick.

Haddock: But he promised a safe passage.

Tintin: Promises are cheap.

Calculus: Weep? Madam is weeping? Oh, dear. We must go to Tapiocapolis immediately!

Haddock: No, Professor! Maybe Tintin's right!

Calculus: Well spoken, Captain. I'll pack right away.

Tintin: Professor…

Haddock: Are you still worried about the trip?

Tintin: I just don't like it, Captain. Something's not right.

Haddock: Nothing is going to happen. Trust me. It says here that Tapioca gat into power by toppling the last ruler in a military coup.

Tintin: That was General Alcázar! He's a friend of mine!

Haddock: Really? Where is he now?

Tintin: The last I heard he was hiding in the jungle trying to organize the resistance.

Haddock: Listen to this: "In the past year, Tapioca has commanded attack from a terrorist group called the Picaros. Tourists are advised to be careful."

Tintin: It's okay, Captain, those must be Alcázar's men.

Haddock: Oh, that's okay then. For a minute I was getting worried too.

Álvarez: Commodore Haddock. Welcome to Tapiocapolis.

Haddock: Thank you, but I'm just Captain.

Álvarez: Such modesty. Señor Tintin?

Tintin: Yes.

Álvarez: General Tapioca has been detained on business. I am Colonel Álvarez, his aide-de-camp.

Tintin: How do you do?

Álvarez: Ah! And you must be Professor Calculus. A pleasure to meet you, señor profesor.

Calculus: Forgive me, officer, but I cannot shake the hand of someone who disregards human rights!

Calculus: Don't take any notice of Calculus. He's just making a joke.

Álvarez: Of course. Now, if you gentlemen will follow me, I will take you to your accomodations.

Tintin: How is madam Castafiore?

Álvarez: She's very well, señor.

Tintin: Can we see her?

Álvarez: I'm sorry, but I am afraid that it's not possible.

Calculus: And what about madam Castafiore?

Álvarez: Señor?

Calculus: Don't tell me you've forgotten about her.

Álvarez: No, señor. It is not possible to forget madam Castafiore.

Haddock: Carnival?

Álvarez: It is a very big affair. Performance come from all over the world.

Haddock: Sounds like fun.

Álvarez: Sí, señor commodore.

Tintin: Colonel, where're you taking us? I thought we were staying in the city.

Álvarez: The city gets very noisy during carnaval, so General Tapioca made arrangements to get you peaceful accomodations in the country.

Tintin: You've got us well guarded.

Álvarez: A simple precaution against terrorists. Nothing to be alarmed about. I trust these accomodations will be o your liking, señores.

Haddock: They're fine.

Álvarez: Ah, Manolo. Manolo has been assigned to look after you. Just call and he will come. I will leave you now. Please, make yourselves comfortable.

Haddock: He looks like a thug. Maybe we misjudge Tapioca, this place seems comfortable enough.

Álvarez: Remember your orders, Manolo.

Manolo: Sí, señor coronel.

Álvarez: You will watch them very carefully!

Manolo: Sí, señor coronel.

Álvarez: They do not suspect anything, Colonel Sponsz.

Sponsz: Good! My plan is working. 

Álvarez: You were right, Colonel. Tintin could not resist coming to Tapiocapolis to check the false documents we planted on Castafiore.

Sponsz: Interference omes naturally to him. He ruined one of my most important operations in Borduria, because he cannot mind his own business. However, this time he will regret it.

Haddock: What a beautiful night! I think I'll open the doors. Uhm, must be stuck. Confounded thing! Confounded thing!

Manolo: El señor okay?

Haddock: Señor will be fine if you put away that blunderbuss.

MAnolo: Sí.

Haddock: Why won't the windows open?

Manolo: They are sealed for air conditioning to keep the cold air in.

Haddock: Well, turn off the can air and let's get some fresh air.

Manolo: Windows they do not open. Buenas noches, señor.

Haddock: Thanks, friend. Really you tried to hard.

Manolo: I clean up.

Haddock: You do that, there's a good chap. Now, where did I put my tobacco?

Manolo: Señor, where are you going?

Haddock: To get some tobacco.

Manolo: No, señor. Too late. All stores are closed now.

Haddock: Then I'll just take a walk instead.

Manolo: No, señor. It's not allowed.

Haddock: Not allowed?

Manolo: It's not good for security. Picaros may attack. I must insist you go back to room, señor.

Haddock: Insist, uh? Okay. Good night. You were right, Tintin.

Tintin: You want to here some music, Captain?

Haddock: Music? No, I don't want music. I'd said that we are prisoners! Are you mad? Turn it off!

Castafiore: I love how lovely I look in this mirror.

Tintin: Look! It's a microphone!

Haddock: You mean they can hear us?

Tintin: Not only that. They're watching us as well.

Álvarez: Tintin has found us out, Colonel Sponsz.

Sponsz: He is no fool. Never mind. He's only a few short hours from death.

Tintin: We've got to get out of here.

Haddock: Maybe we could escape when we meet with Tapioca.

Tintin: If we're allowed to meet with him.

Haddock: Come in!

Pablo: Buenas tardes, señores. Manolo had a minor accident. I'm his replacement. Do you mind aloud this music?

Tintin: Oh, not at all.

Calculus: Ah! Lunch. I'm starved. Not that bujabais again.

Pablo: You are in great danger, señores. Tomorrow, an attack by the Picaros will be faked.

Calculus: Thank you!

Pablo: In the course of the fighting, you are be killed.

Haddock: Killed?

Pablo: It would be meant to look like an unfortunate accident.

Tintin: Why this General Tapioca want to kill us?

Pablo: It is not General Tapioca. It is Colonel Sponsz.

Haddock and Tintin: Sponsz?!

Tintin: The chief of police in Shoho?

Pablo: That is the one. He's been assigned to General Tapioca to reorganize his security police. General Alcázar says not to worry.

Tintin: No thanks! General Alcázar?

Pablo: Sí, señor. I work for him.

Calculus: No, thank you. Oh! I can't believe it!

Tintin: What?

Calculus: Just a bird in window. A beautiful one.

Tintin: What's Alcázar's plan.

Pablo: Tomorrow you will be taken n the trip to see the pyramide of Hotuatabouti. You will ask the soldiers if you can climb to the top. I will go with you. When we are safe and out of the way, General Alcázar...

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! That tastes horrible!

Pablo: Perdone, señor. As I was saying once we're out of the way and attacked by the real Picaros will be mounted. The wine is excellent, señor.

Haddock: Balderdash!

Calculus: It worked.

Tintin: So the Picaros will attack and then what, Pablo?

Pablo: Ah, yes... In the confusión, you were to tie me up and escape. General Alcázar Will be waiting for you in the jungle.

Tintin: Pablo, thanks.

Pablo: It is nothing, señor.

Álvarez: Your friend seems preoccupied.

Haddock: Oh! So you have notice? He is upset hat we haven't met with General Tapioca yet.

Álvarez: Oh, I forgot! The General sends his apologies. He will see you tomorrow morning.

Tintin: Oh, really? Great!

Haddock: What?

Tintin: Why are we stopping? I thought we were going to the pyramid.

Álvarez: A slight change in plan, señor.

Haddock: What d'you mean a slight change in plan? We want to go to the pyramid.

Álvarez: We will go to the pyramid shortly, Captain. But first, we stopped for your tobacco.

Haddock: Oh, yes, of course.

Tintin: It's magnificent.

Pablo: If you wish to climb it, I will take you up.

Haddock: Lead the way.

Álvarez: Señores, be careful. The steps are very steep.

Tintin: We'll be careful, Colonel.

Haddock: Come on, Professor. Come along, Professor!

Calculus: No, thank you, Captain. I suffer from fear of heights.

Haddock: Don't be silly.

Calculus: Great sunspot, Captain. Leave me alone… I tell you I don't want to!

Haddock: Come on, you don't want to miss the view!

Calculus: Will you stop it, Captain! For goodness sake! I can't believe it!

Tintin: That took longer than I thought.

Pablo: We must hurry, señor! Here! Tie me up.

Calculus: Your conduct is unqualifible, Captain. Unqualifiable! That what it is...

Haddock: We made it.

Calculus: My word! Now what's going on?

Pablo: It started!

Tintin: Captain! Take the Professor and find Alcázar! We'll catch up with you.

Haddock: Got you!

Calculus: I demand you…

Tintin: Thank you, Pablo. I will never forget…

Pablo: Quick, Señor! You may thank me later.

Haddock: Come on, Professor!

Calculus: Leave me alone!

Alcázar's men: Follow us!

Haddock: Come along, Professor!

Calculus: What on earth?

Alcázar's men: Into the truck! Quickly! You go with the driver!

Tintin: General Alcázar!

Alcázar: Hop in, amigo!

Álvarez: So, the trap is sprung. Good work, Pablo.

Pablo: It was quite easy, Colonel!

Álvarez: Puma to Jaguar: come in.

Soldier: Jaguar to Puma, receiving you.

Álvarez: Alcázar's truck is on the way. It should reach a position in approximately seven minutes. Don't miss it. Over.

Soldier: Do not worry, Puma. I cannot miss. Over and out.

Alcázar: You see? General Alcázar is true to his friends. As son as I got your message I...

Tintin: Our message? But Pablo came to us with your message!

Alcázar: My message? What are you saying, amigo?

Soldier: Target approaching!

Alcázar: Pablo is one of my most loyal men.

Tintin: Then why did he lie to both of us?

Soldier: Load!

Alcázar: No, Pablo would not betray me.

Pablo: Would d'you stay your life on that chip? Hey! There's something on the road.

Alcázar: Here, take a look.

Tintin: Thanks. It's just a monkey.

Soldier: Aim!

Tintin: Wait! Something frightened him! Stop the truck, general.

Alcázar: Are you crazy, amigo?

Tintin: Stop!

Soldier: Fire! Fools! You missed! Reload.

Tintin: Captain! Calculus! Let's get out of here.

Tintin: Professor?

Calculus: I most strongly suggest that whoever was driving this trunk invest in a few lessons!

Tintin: Come on, Professor!

Calculus: Tintin! I can walk!

Soldier: Fire! Quickly! Check the wreckage!

Calculus: Oh, my!

Tintin: Come on!

Calculus: Really…

Soldier: No one can survive that. Haguar to Puma. Jaguar to Puma.

Álvarez: Go ahead, Jaguar.

Soldier: Mission accomplished. Over.

Álvarez: Received. Excellent! Colonel Sponsz will be pleased. You have done well, Pablo.

Alcázar: I can't believe. A renegade!

Haddock: Double crosser! Turn coat! Swine!

Tintin: Actually, he really do us a favor. Now Colonel Sponsz thinks we are dead, so we are free to come up with the plan to rescue our friends: Bianca and the Thompsons.

Haddock: You're forgetting we're stuck in the middle of the jungle.

Tintin: Not for long. Alcázar said we shall reach his camp soon.

Haddock: That should be a trick.

Alcázar: Hey, amigos! I've been thinking. You want to join the Picaros?

Haddock: Oh, great! That's all we need. We're done for being plotters to prisoners, ambush victims to terrorists guerrillas. What next? What are you laughing at?

Calculus: Frankly, Captain, I didn't understand why we came down the pyramid so quickly, when you forced me to climb up there in the first place.

Haddock: Give me strength. How much longer do we have to trip through this overgrown plant store?

Alcázar: It is not far to the camp now.

Tintin: How many Picaros are there, General?

Alcázar: Thirty or so.

Tintin: Thirty? Is that enough to overthrown Tapioca?

Alcázar: With me as their leader, thirty Picaros can do anything. We plan to sneak into the capital during carnaval and free your friends.

Tintin: Captain? Captain! Are you okay?

Haddock: Anchors away!

Tintin: How did they get those bottles?

Alcázar: Tapioca drops them into the jungle. He knows the Picaros will drink them, so they won't be able to fight. The Bandito river will lead us to the Picaros camp. Take cover! If it is one of the Tapioca's, let's hope they didn't see us.

Tintin: Captain!

Soldier: What's that? A Picaro by the river? Where did he go? Caramba! He's disappeared!

Tintin: Captain!

Haddock: Blistering barnacles!

Tintin: Hang on, Captain!

Haddock: How did I get here?

Alcázar: Gunshots! Coming from the camp!

Tintin: Oh, oh. Looks like the bottles got here before we did.

Picaro: General! Come join the party.

Alcázar: Caramba!

Picaro: ¡Viva el general!

Peggy: Alcázar!!!! You've got some nerve sneaking out of the camp without telling me. If you think you can just run off and leave me any time you want, you've got another thing coming. Understood??!

Alcázar: Yes, my dove.

Peggy: And who are these guys?

Alcázar: These are my old friends: Captain Haddock, Tintin and Professor Calculus.

Calculus: My dear lady, your lovely welcome has moved me deeply. It shall be a pleasure to share your delightful company as we prepare for war.

Peggy: Oh, well… They can stay in the tool hut.

Alcázar: She may seem a little harsh, but she has a heart of gold.

Peggy: Alcázar!!!

Calculus: What a charming woman. Such grace and beauty. As for her husband, his revolution will never succeed if his army keeps drinking.

Tintin: I know. There goes our best chance to rescue the Thompsons and madam Castafiore.

Calculus: Luckily for everyone, I've been doing some herbal experiments in jungle apothecary.

Haddock: Jungle apoth-a-what?

Calculus: No, not at all, Captain. I've given it something that wuld made those men stop drinking. Any one taking one of these pills will find the taste of alcohol unbearable. And the very first person who I tested in on were you, Captain.

Haddock: Me? You miserable blundering barbequed blister!

Calculus: My sister has nothing to do with it.

Haddock: It's a scandal!

Tintin: Uhmm, pills. The Picaros will probably resist it.

Calculus: My sister! I ask you to leave her out of this.

Tintin: No, Professor, the Picaros will resist taking these pills, unless we sneak them into their food.

Haddock: It's worth a try.

Calculus: Come to think of it: I don't have a sister, but if I did, this is the last place I'd wanted her to be.

Tintin: General! I know how to stop the Picaros from drinking, but first you have to promise that the revolution will be peaceful. No executions!

Alcázar: A revolution without executions??! I would be the laughingstock of the country... But surely… that we can make another deal. How about one fifth of the gold reserves in el Banco de la Nación?

Tintin: I'm not interested in money. I want a peaceful revolution.

Alcázar: Forget it! I'll get the Picaros under control myself.

Tintin: Grenade! Tear gas!

Alcázar: Tintin! I have changed my mind, I will accept your conditions. Then my friends, you must watch the ridiculous justice of General Tapioca.

Tintin: TV coverage? Even in a remote jungle camp.

Soldier: Before you sit two evil, brutal men. So cunning are these would be assassins, they have even grown moustaches to better fit in and gain our trust.

T&T: We object! We were born with our moustaches.

Soldier: Silence! I find you guilty. Death!

Tintin: It's not fair.

Alcázar: I told you, amigo.

Soldier: As for you, Bianca Castafiore, you will expend the rest of your life in prison.

Castafiore: Are you making a joke, non? A silly joke made by a silly Little soldier.

Soldier: It's not joke!Here is proof!

Castafiore: You make me laugh. He he he he! Margarita!

Calculus: Oh, my! Gentlemen, please!

Soldier: Kill him! Hang the traitor!

Alcázar: What's going on?

Soldier: The spy! I've caught him dropping pills into the chili. He's trying to poison us!

Tintin: General...

Alcázar: It's okay, amigos, those pills were only vitamines.

Soldier: I don't trust this food. The dog must eat it first. Doggy woggy, come! Good stuff. Eat it! Amigos, who want's to eat this stuff??

Tintin: Back! Snowy, eat! Eat! Come on, boy. You see? Totally safe.

Driver: Oh, I say. How far to Tapiocapolis?

Tintin: Uh... We aren't sure.

Jolyon Wagg: Bless my buttons! Look who it is! It's Tintin and the Captain!

Haddock: Jolyon Wagg!

Jolyon: You've got it, old friend! Oopsie-daisy! Me and my troup, the Jolly-follies, have been invited to perform at the big carnaval. I've designed these costumes myself. Nice, uh, don't you think?

Haddock: Very interesting.

Alcázar: What's going on, amigo?

Jolyon: Ah, the chap in charge. Mind if my gang spends the night in your camp?

Alcázar: Forget it!

Tintin: Ah... General...

Alcázar: Perhaps I spoke a little hastily, my friend. You may stay here as long as you like.

Jolyon: Morning, Professor. Sleep well?

Peggy: Alcázar!!! Where is that lazy?

Alcázar: "Peggy, my dove, at dawn we left to overthrow the tyrant Tapioca. Love, Alcázar. P.S.: due to the revolution I will not be home in time to cook diner.

Peggy: Alcázar! Alcázar!

Tintin: I feel bad sneaking off with Wagg's bus like this.

Alcázar: What's more important? Some silly tourists or winning the revolution and saving your friends from firing squad?

Tintin: If you put in that way, but will we make it in time?

Alcázar: Another hour and we will be there in time for part two of our plan. Long live to revolution!

Tapioca: A carnaval and an execution on the same day. Isn't life grand, Colonel Álvarez?

Álvarez: It is with you, as our leader, your excellency.

Tapioca: Look at those people. All of them love me.

Álvarez: Is it really safe to stand on this balcony? What if some treacherous Picaros are in town?

Tapioca: The Picaros? Nonsense! Colonel Sponsz is taking care of them, haven't you, Colonel?

Álvarez: You worry too much. The Picaros are far away and too drunk to be of any danger.

Tapioca: You see, Colonel Álvarez? You worry too much. And what is this?

Tintin: Remember your promise, General. No bloodshed!

Alcázar: Sí, I remember.

Tintin: Ready with the chloroform?

Haddock: Ready!

Tapioca: They are hilarious! I would like to meet some of them!

Tintin: The show is over, Tapioca!

Tapioca: Is this a joke?

Alcázar: Sí, the biggest joke ever.

Tapioca: Alcázar!

Alcázar:That's general Alcázar to you.

Tintin: Captain! Look who's at the window! Colonel Sponsz, we meet again.

Álvarez and Sponsz: Tintin!

Tintin:I heard you were behind this Sponsz.

Sponsz: Nonsense! The Bordurian government has sent me here as an oficial representive to advise General Tapioca's military.

Álvarez: He is lying!

Sponsz: Be quiet!

Tintin: No, let's hear it, Álvarez.

Álvarez: He wanted revenge for when you humiliated him in his homeland, so he planted false documents on madam Castafiore and had her arrested.

Tintin: Knowing I would come to help them. Nice try, Sponsz.

Alcázar: Read it! Read it!

Tapioca: No!

Alcázar: I said: read it!

Tapioca: Citizens of San Teodoro, rejoice. I, General Tapioca, surrender all my Powers to General Alcázar.

Alcázar: Get this tape to the radio station. Have them play it right away. As for your execution…

Tintin: General...

Alcázar: There will be not execution.

Tapioca: No execution? Are you crazy?

Tintin: It's not my idea! It's his.

Tapioca: But, señor, he has to execute me. Traditions demands it.

Sorry, Tapioca, you'll be exiled to Borduria with your pal Sponsz.

Tapioca: Exiled? You can't! The shame! The humiliation!

Tintin: Álvarez, unless you wish to join Sponsz in Borduria you'd better get on the phone and stop the Thompsons execution.

Álvarez: Yes, sir. The phone is dead! The Picaros must have cut the lines.

Tintin: We have to get to the prison at once.

Alcázar: Colonel Álvarez. Take Tintin and the Captain to the prison.

Álvarez: Sí, General! Hurry, amigos. We have only 5 minutes to stop the firing squadron.

Man: I am sorry, señores, but it is time. We must go.

T&T: Right then. One must be on time. Precisely, Thompson. One must always be on time for one's execution.

Tapioca: Citizens of San Teodoro, rejoice. I, General Tapioca, surrender all my power to General Alcázar.

Haddock: If only we had a car.

Álvarez: A car would never make it to this clowns.

Tintin: No, but that big float will.

Álvarez: To the prison, quickly.

Tintin: Clear the road! Look out! Coming through!

Soldier: A final cigarette?

T&T: Bad for ur health.

Soldier: Blind folds?

T&T: A Thompson likes to look death right in the eye. Right Thompson? Right.

Soldier: Squad! Ready!

Álvarez: There is the prison.

T&T: Well, Thomson. Any last words? How about "good bye"?

Soldier: Aim!

Tintin: Hold your fire! Hands up!

Álvarez: By order of his excellency General Alcázar, this execution is canceled.

Tintin: Sorry we couldn't get here sooner

T&T: Quite all right, Tintin. We're policemen. All in the line of duty.

Tintin: Now, what about madam Castafiore?

Castafiore: You fool! Tell that chef of yours l said al dente! Mamma mia! My rescuing prince! I knew you'd come to save me. My dear Irma. Mr. Wagner, what a pleasure to see you together again. I must sing something!

Alcázar: As president, I award you the sacred order of San Teodoro.

Jolyon: Glad to have been of service. Right! A big horray for the General

Alcázar: I am touched. Now please, go out and enjoy the carnaval. As for you, Professor, without your pills, the revolution could never have been launched.

Calculus: Beans? For lunch? Oh, no! Thank you.

Alcázar: What about you, Tintin? Are you sure you will not accept a reward?

Tintin: Freeing my friends is reward enough for me. Thanks for keeping your promise.

Alcázar: The revolution is a success. The airforce and navy have rejoined us.

Peggy: Alcázar! You've got some nerve leaving me in that stinking bug infested jungle while you laze abut this palace! Bring my backs upstairs and get diner started!!

Alcázar: Yes, my dove.

Haddock: Ah, it'll be nice to get back home to Marlinspike.

Tintin: You said it, Captain!

Tintin: Stock de coque. Script

You can see the chapter here.

Tintin: The red sharks sea. Script

Tintin: Did you enjoy the film, Captain?

Haddock: So, so... The chap who played the lead is a good actor.

Tintin: He looked a lot like our old friend General Alcázar.

Haddock: The ending was far too improbable. I can't believe things like that really happen. You think about someone and then he pops on the street corner, just like that? When? Look here, you misguided missile! Can you watch where you're going?

Tintin: General Alcázar!

Alcázar: Eh… Yes... Uh...

Tintin: It's extraordinary! Imagine! The Captain and I were just talking about you.

Alcázar: About me?

Tintin: What are you doing here?

Alcázar: Me? I travel… For... Excuse me, please. Mucho hurry. Late for appointment.

Alcázar: Where can we get in touch with you, General?

Alcázar: Hotel Bristol. Adiós, amigos.

Haddock: Not very chatty, is he?

Tintin: Uhm… Strange… Ups! What's this? It's the general's wallet. He must have dropped it when you bumped into him. Hurry! Maybe we can find him!

Haddock: I'd say the General has vamoosed.

Tintin: Are you sure? Look! He's a fairly heavy-built man with a small moustache.

Man: No sir, I'm terrible sorry. I've never seen the gentleman.

Tintin: That's strange… Why wouldn't he tell us where he was really staying?

Haddock: Hey! Why is the door open?

Tintin: Snowy? Poor Snowy… Who's done this to you?

Haddock: By thunder! I'll get to the bottom of this. Billions of blue blistering barnacles!

Tintin: Captain! Are you all right?

Haddock: Who's the thunder son of the sea gherkin who did that? Nestor! Nes… Aaaaaah!

Tintin: Abdullah!

Haddock: Abdullah? Blistering barnacles!

Abdullah: Blistering barnacles! Blistering barnacles! Do it again, blistering barnacles! Do it again!

Haddock: You young ruffian, what are you doing here?

Andullah: Wait, blistering barnacles. I have a present for you.

Haddock: A present for me? Dear little fellow.

Andullah: It's for you, blistering barnacles. From me.

Haddock: Thank you, Abdullah. You really shouldn't have. A cuckoo clock!

Tintin: It's beautiful!

Haddock: It's magnificent!

Abdullah: To wind it up, you do this.

Haddock: Blue blistering thundering typhoons! You won't get away with this!

Hassim: You stop! Touch not the son of my master! I am Hassim, servant to his Highness Prince Abdullah. I bring you a message from my master.

Tintin: "My dear friends, I entrust to you my beloved son Abdullah. For here, his life is in danger. Should misfortune befall me, as the falcon springs on the innoent gazelle. I count on you, my friend, to provide Abdullah with the warm and care he requires. May peace be with you and all members of your household. Sign: Emir Ben Kalish Ezab.

Haddock: What! You little brat! I'm gonna teach you a lesson!

Nestor: Oh, sir, it's dreadful!

Haddock: Later, Nestor! Later!!

Nestor: But, sir, all those foreign persons are in the stare room, sir.

Tintin: You'll feel better after a cup of coffee, Captain.

Haddock: No, thanks. I have to watch my nerves. That little monster will be up in a moment. Oh, no! Abdullah is coming!

Haddock and Tintin: Professor Calculus?

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! I have enough problems in this house without you rolling around like some out of control freight train!

Professor: Rain? No, it's a splendid morning for a stroll. Well, that's what I thought I was doing. Ah! I see breakfast is served.

Haddock: Cuthbert! Why don't you take these infernal things off before you really hurt yourself? Nestor, will you answer that door?

Nestor: Begging your pardon, sir, but the young foreign gentleman of your guest, sir, finds rather amusing to ring the doorbell again and again and run off as soon as I open it.

Haddock: Abdullah has gone to far. Nestor, fetch me the garden hose. Okay, open it.

T&T: Good morning.

Tintin: What can I do for you, detectives?

T&T: We will brief and to the point. Tell us everything you know about General Alcázar.

Tintin: General Alcázar? Well… Uh... I knew him when he was president of San Teodoros. Then he was deposed by General Tapioca in a coup. Then he staged the counter-coup and took it back. And that's all!

T&T: That's all, is it? And what did he tell you last night when you met up with him to be precise?

Tintin: Last night?

T&T: Surprised you, didn't we?

Tintin: Well, it's true. We met up last night. He seemed to be in a big hurry… Oh! And he told us he was staying at...

T&T: The hotel Excelsior. We know that too.

Tintin: Excelsior, uh? Well, can't keep anything from you two. But why are you asking about Alcázar? What's he done?

T&T: What's he done? My dear fellow, if you imagine we tell you that he's smuggling air craft, you are much mistaken, or that we tell you that General Alcázar is mounting a counterrevolution after Tapioca redeposed him,  you can forget it! Mum's the word! That's our motto! Well said, Thompson. Thank you, Thomson. Good bye, Tintin.

Tintin: Thanks for the information.

Man: General Alcázar? Yes, sir, I think you'll fing him lounge.

Tintin: That man that Alcázar's with I know him. His name is Dawson, I had a run-in with him in Chine. He's obviously move into arms dealing. Ah! Thompson and Thomson are here too. Captain, give this back to the General.

Haddock: Right-o!

Tintin: I'm going to follow Dawson. I'll see you back at Marlinspike. Taxi! Follow that black Jaguar. Wait here and keep the engine running.

Man: Morning, guv! Seen today's paper?

Dawson: Ah, very good! I see those plains we sold to Mull Pasha did a great job. He'll be rid of the Emir in no time. Now Alcázar has got his plains, we can overthrow Tapioca once and for all.

Tintin: Abdullah! That little pest!

Man: What's this?

Antoher man: It was a young lad with a white dog.

Dawson: What? Tintin!

Voice on radio: We will bring you further developments on the coup d'état Khemed as they become available to us. In other news Mull Pasha's forces had taken control of the city of Wadesdah, the Emir Ben Kalish Ezab is missing and feared dead. Information is difficult to obtain this time.

Tintin: Poor Abdullah. Hey! Abdullah! He's too young to realize how serious things are.

Haddock: Blue blistering barnacles! That little pest! The plague! That's it! He goes back to his father now!

Tintin: It's too late, Captain. The emir has been overthrown in a coup d'état.

Haddock: That's just great! There is no way we can send him back now.

Tintin: But there's nothing to keep us from going away.

Haddock: Tintin, you're a genious. But where?

Tintin: To Khemed!

Haddock: Ah, yes! Good! What?! In the middle of a revolution? No, thanks. I'll take my chances with the kid. Let's pack.

Dawson: Mull Pasha? Dawson here. You should expect a visit from Tintin.

Müller: Put this in the baggage compartment once everyone is off the plane.

Man: Passports, please, gentlemen. I'm sorry, you have no permit to stay in Khemed.

Haddock: What?

Man: You must reboard the plane and return to Beirut.

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! There's nothing wrong with our papers. What sort of yarn is that?

Man: It is done Mull Pasha

Müller: Excellent. Bon voyage, Tintin.

Haddock: Another eternity in this flying coffin. Rattling about like dice. I wonder what sort of trouble Will drop on us next. Thundering typhoons! Everything happens to me!

Tintin: Captain, are you okay?

Haddock: Tintin, I'm very nerve on this

Tintin: You know, Captain, I'll bet this Mull Pasha character has something to do with our being told to leave with … What's the matter, Snowy? What is it?

Man: Fire! We're on fire!

Pilot: Wadesdah tower! Wadesdah tower! This is Khozd! Starboard motor on fire. We're turning back, trying for an emergency landing at Wedesdah. Port engine misfiring! We're losing altitude!

Tintin: Snowy! This is no time for games.

Man: Give me a parachute!

Pilot: Please, sir, just go and sit down.

Man: I tell you I demand a parachute.

Haddock: Now, look here young fellow.

Pilot: Thanks, lad. Tell everyone to hold on tight. I'm going to try to land. Well, the fire's out, but we'd better move into the shade while we wait for a rescue party.

Pilot 2: Wadesdah is only 50 kilometers away. We won't have to wait long for them to find us.

Tintin: Listen, Captain. If they take us back to Wadesdah, we'll just be expelled again. I think we should sneak back in on our own.

Haddock: What? 50 kilometers on foot?

Tintin: It's our only hope of finding the Emir. All right, Snowy. I'm coming! I'll be right back, Snowy is determined to show me something.

Haddock: 50 kilometers… In this heat. I could sure go for a cigar right about now. Even one of Abdullah's exploiding cigars. Tintin! Tintin!! Tintin, are you all right?

Tintin: Snowy… Where's Snowy? Snowy, good old Snowy. You sensed danger, didn't you? And you tried to warn me and I just thought you wanna to play. That had to be a time bomb, Captain, and I'll bet it was intended for us.

Haddock: Wadesdah will be crawling with solders.

Tintin: And so will this crash site when Mull Pasha finds out we weren't blown in bits by his bomb. Let's go. I've got a friend in Wadesdah: Oliveira da Figueroa. He'll hide us. Okay, Captain, they're gone. Now let's find Oliveira's. Captain? Come on, stay awake! It's just down this alley. Senhor Oliveira. Senhor Oliveira!

Oliveira: Tintin! Come inside! Quickly!

Haddock: What?

Oliveira: There's a pretty heavy price on your heads, my friends.

Tintin: You can bet Mull Pasha is behind that.

Oliveira: Also known as Dr. Müller.

Tintin: Dr. Müller? So once again I'm up against that scoundrel. What's his involment in this whole mess?

Oliveira: Let me bring you up to date on the situation. A few months ago, Wadesdah became a major link in the air routes of Arab Air. Then, when the Emir found out that Arab Air was being used for some pretty nasty illegal traffic, he canceled the deal.

Tintin: And I'll bet that's when all the political unrest flared up.

Oliveira: Exactly! Heavily founded by someone as yet unknown, Mull Pasha mounted a coup and force the Emir into hiding.

Haddock: Ah!

Tintin: Captain!

Haddock: I was sinking?

Tintin: No, Captain, you just set your beard on fire. I Heard the Emir was feared dead.

Oliveira: No, he is hiding in the Djebel mountains.

Tintin: We absolutely have to get to him. For his son's sake.

Oliveira: First do we get some sleep. Tomorrow I will find the way for you to leave the city and join the Emir.

Haddock:Thundering typhoons…

Tintin: That was close…

Haddock: Blistering barnacles, now we're in trouble.

Tintin: Quick! There is our guide!

Müller: Mull Pasha here. Order the escort of Mosquitos to take off immediately. Their mission? To wipe out a party of three horsemen who have left Wadesdah and are heading for the Djebel mountains.

Mosquito: Dust cloud at ten o'clock. Must be them.

Müller: There they are. Got you now, Tintin!

Mosquito: Ready to fire!

Müller: Fire! Fire!

Mosquito: Mission accomplished!

Müller: Bungling oafs! You'll be court-martialed! Dismissed! Reduced to ranks! I'll have you shot!

Soldier: Hold!

Guide: Donpt shoot. We're friends. The dogs bark, the camels passed, friends. These strangers had come to see the Emir.

Soldier: All right. Come this way.

Tintin: Wow!

Haddock: Incredible!

Tintin: A whole city carved eight out of the rock!

Emir: Tintin! Captain! You, here! It's unbelievable! But what about my son? My precious darling, where is he?

Tintin: Rest asured, your Highness. He is in good hands at Marlinspike

Emir: Thank you, Tintin. Your help is precious to me. The resistance movement is growing and soon I will throw out that slimy serpent of Müller, but of course Müller is just a front to keep us from seeing the real culprit: Di Gorgonzola.

Tintin: Di Gorgonzola? The famous millionaire?

Emir: He owns Arab Air, which he uses to smuggle illegal refugees for astronomical feeds. That mangy dog! As long as the international crook run scot-free, peace will be nothing but an illusion.

Tintin: We have to stop them somehow.

Emir: It will be difficult. Gorgonzola is very rich and very powerful. By Allah, let us hope your dog has not gone near Ayesha.

Tintin: Snowy! Yeiks! Calm down, Snowy. You see, your Highness? The powerful ones don't always get the last word.

Haddock: Are you still worried about Mull Pasha soldiers?

Tintin: I'm just don't think they're goint to give up that easily. It took three days to arrange this boat, so they must know by now that we're heading out to sea.

Haddock: What a pessimist you are, Tintin. What do you think they'll do, send a squadron of battle ships after us?

Tintin: Well, not quite, but… Wait… Listen!

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! He's coming right for us! Hit the deck! Bandits! Pirates! Gangsters! Assassins!

Tintin: It's him or us this time. Look out! Got him!

Haddock: Ha ha ha! Good shooting, Tintin!

Tintin: Captain, what happened?

Haddock: I don't know… Some cowardly rat attacked me from behind.

Tintin: Look out!

Haddock: My "dose"!

Tintin: Sorry. Come on. There's no time to lose. We've got to build some kind of raft fast before the whole thing goes up in flames!

Gorgonzola: May I have the pleasure of this samba, Princess?

Princess: But of course, Marquis!

Captain: Excuse me, my lord, there is a radio call for you. It's urgent!

Gorgonzola: Awfully sorry, dear lady. Business, always business! I am indeed a veritable slave.

Princess: Don't give it another thought, Marquis.

Man: The Marquis Di Gorgonzola is a true gentleman.

Another man: Naturally, malicious tongues spread rumors that he has a shady past.

Gorgonzola: Alo? Sheherezade to Blue Goat. I'm listening.

Blue Goat: This is Blue Goat: powerful Mosquito has stung insects pest 1 and 2. Over.

Gorgonzola: Message understood. Over and out! Ha ha ha!

Haddock: Millions of blue blistering barnacles! We've saved two cases of provisions and no can opener! It's enough to drive you crazy!

Skut: Hey! Over here!

Tintin: There! It's the Mosquito pilot we shot down!

Haddock: So??? Let him take care of himself.

Skut: Hey! Help! Help me!

Tintin: Piotr Skut! I don't believe it's you!

Skut: I am... I am sorry.

Haddock: Sorry? Sorry?! You trigger-happy thug! Who put you up to this?

Skut: I...

Haddock: Speak up, you blithering bombardier or I'll deflate you.

Tintin: Captain!

Skut: Mull Pasha! he gave the orders, but I think his orders come from Di Grgonzola.

Tintin: Di Gorgonzola?

Skut: Please, careful with knife!

Tintin: So, tell me, Skut. Why were you shooting on us?

Skut: I take the job with Arab military, they tell me about these gunrunners and to sink you. I am sorry!

Tintin: Well, never mind. The important thing now is to survive. Try to drink some seawater.

Haddock: Never! That's salt water!

Tintin: Really, Captain, it's not all that bad.

Haddock: Are you out of your mind? You should never drink that. It's full of plankton that the fish eat.

Skut: This not good.

Haddock: Yahoo! There! A ship! We're saved! Just when you'd swallowed that liquid fish food.

Skut and Tintin: Hey! Over here!

Skut: The ship! She not see us…

Tintin: We've got to get their attention. Has anyone a mirror?

Skut: You want coat too?

Tintin: No, thanks! Just a mirror.

Haddock: Well done, sailor!

Captain: There, my lord! Shipwreck survivors! Three men and a little dog.

Gorgonzola: Tintin's alive!

Captain: Should I alter course, sir?

Gorgonzola: A waste of time. Proceed on course. And not a Word to the passengers, understood?

Man: Yoohoo! Marquis!

Woman: Marquis! Where are you?

Man: The castaways, my dear fellow, out there on the raft.

Woman: How madly romantic!

Gorgonzola: Yes, isn't it exciting? I've just given the order to pick them up.

Captain: But I...

Gorgonzola: Pick them up.

Captain: Yes, sir.

Woman: Oh, how gorgeous! I've always dreamed of seeing real castaways.

Skut, Tintin and Haddock: Hurray!

Gorgonzola: Parker, those people are not to have any contact with my guests. My name is not to be mentioned in front of them. Understand?

Castafiore: Can I believe my eyes? It's Tintin and his friend, the deep-sea fisherman Paddock! Art embrace the children of adventure.

Haddock: Castafiore?

Castafiore: On behalf of Marquis Di Gorgonzola.

Tintin: Gorgonzola!

Castafiore: Allow me to welcomeyou board the Sheherezade, carissimo mio.

Haddock: Let's hop back on the raft.

Castafiore: My dear Tintin and Captain Harrock.

Haddock: Harrock'n roll, signora Castaoily.

Captain: I'm sorry, signora, but his lordship has given orders. There is to be no cntact with the castaways. Risk of infection, you know.

Castafiore: My good man, I am not ill.

Gorgonzola: I must get rid of Tintin. I'm calling the Ramona. This is Rastapopoulos.

Allan: Ramona here. What's up, boss?

Rastapopoulos: Allan, set a course for my yacht immediately, I have some passengers for you.

Captain: Get dressed quickly! You're in luck: the freight of Ramona has agreed to carry to land.

Tintin: Uhm... Good. Fine I'm coming.

Woman: Our castaways! They're leaving!

Rastapopoulos: I wish you a pleasant journey, my dear friends.

Haddock: Ah, this is the place for me, back aboard a good old freighter.

Man: Here you two, these are your quarters.

Haddock: Why separate us? There's room for three here. Right Skut? Hey! Open up, you little manner savages! Open up!

Allan: Well, well, well…

Tintin and Haddock: Allan!

Allan: This is a happy reunion, isn't it? You old bottlenose. We must have a drink on it.

Tintin: What's going on? What are you doing here?

Allan: You still haven't figured it out, uh? I command this vessel and I work for Di Gorgonzola. My orders are to put you ashore at Wadesdah.

Haddock: That's murder. There's a price on our heads!

Allan: You're breaking my heart. But here, let's drink to my health.

Haddock: Not a chance! I don't drink with Di Gorgonzola's monkeys!

Allan: Suit yourself, but I'll just leave the bottle to console you. Well, bye for now. Sleep tight. Oh, by the way: you sleep under or over the sheet?

Haddock: Over? Not that way. Under? Blistering barnacles! Not that way either. Ah, who needs blankets? It's too hard anyway.

Allan: Pull, boys, pull! She'll blow any minute now.

Haddock: There. I'm already sleep. Too hot. Too hot. Assembly signal? Shake a leg there! All hands on deck!

Tintin: What's the matter, Captain.

Haddock: Get up and give me a hand!

Tintin: What are you doing? Well, it's great to be free, but, why the panic?

Haddock: Something's wrong. It's too quiet.

Tintin: Quick! Let's see what's happening.

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! The ship's on fire! Pirates! Filibusters! Salt water savages!

Allan: Eighteen tons of high explosives. It'll make a pretty Fireworks display.

Haddock: Hurry! We have to find a raft or something and get out of this tub.

Tintin: Who in the world could be down there?

Slave: Help! Please! Get us out!

Tintin: Let's get them out of there!

Haddock: Right!

Tintin: Hurry everyone! Hurry! This ship's on fire!

Haddock: You heard him! Move it!

Man: We must help put it out! Over here! Hurry!

Tintin: Explosives! Captain! Everybody! Over here!

Haddock: We almost got it beat!

Allan: What gives? Fire's gone out! Bring her about, boys!

Man: You saved our lives! How can we ever repay you?

Tintin: You can tell me why you were locked in that hole for starters.

Man: We are refugees. The men on this boat promised to take us to America. We paid them all we had. Our life savings.

Another man: Look! They are coming back!

Tintin: Captain! D'you think you can get the engines running?

Haddock: I'll need men for the stroke room.

Allan: Pull, boys, pull!

Man: Valve closed, Captain.

Haddock: Open valve two. Pour on the coal! Tintin, take the Wheel on!

Allan: Come on! Row! Row! What? She's pulling away!

Haddock: I don't know how we did it, but she is under way at last. Thanks to our crew. I'll send a distress signal! What? Skut! Say something!

Skut: You! Hurry! Escape! The fire! Explosives!

Tintin: lt's okay, Skut. The fire's out. But what happened to you? 

Skut: They try to make me go with them, but l refuse.Not without you. They then get angry and knocked me out.

Man: Come in, Ramona. This is Red Sea Shark, this is Red Sea Shark!

Skut: It's Di Gorgonzola's submarine.

Tintin: Submarine?

Skut: Ramona here. Come in, Shark. Come in, Shark.

Man: Finally! What's going on? I've been trying to reach you for hours.

Skut: Receiver was broken. But it's okay now.

Man: A sambuk is waiting for you at the usual place to pick up the cargo and your

Skut: Message received loud and clear, Shark, over and out.

Tintin: Is there any cargo on board, Captain?

Haddock: I've thoroughly inspected the ship and all the holds are empty except for the refugees.

Tintin: That's it! The cargois refugees and I'll bet those Sharks don't intend to take them to America either. They've already got their money. They probably intend to just dump them at sea! Captain, we'd better tell those people out there.

Skut: I'll send out an SOS. SOS! SOS! The Ramona needs help. SOS. This is the Ramona. We need immediate assistance.

Rastapopoulos: What? The Ramona is still afloat? That means Tintin must be still alive!

Man: This is the battleship US Los Angeles to Ramona. Your SOS received.

Rastapopoulos: So the navy's butting in on our little business. Well, it's not going to help Tintin. Calling Red Sea Shark. You must liquidate the Ramona.

Haddock: You musn't worry. We know who the guilty party is. As soon as we're all safe, believe me, he will be brought to justice!

Skut: Help arriving soon! USS Los Angeles, she is three hours away.

Haddock: Tintin! Come and see this!

Tintin: What is it, Captain?

Haddock: Have a look.

Tintin: Wow! Flying fish! Beautiful! Oh, no! Captain!

Haddock: Take it easy, Tintin. It's only a peris... peris...

Tintin: A Periscope headed straight for us!

Haddock: Battle stations! Clear the decks! Woman and children first!

Tintin: Calm down, Captain. 

Haddock: I'm perfectly calm. Tintin, you man the radio. Skut, you're at the wheel.

Tintin: Aye, aye, Captain!

Man: Stand by. Numer 1 tube.

Another man: Stand by number 1 tube.

Man: Number 1 tube. Fire!

Another man: Fire number 1!

Haddock: Torpedo to port! Hard-a-starboard!

Skut: Hard-a-starboard!

Man: Curses on them! They've swung away! Starboard 20 degrees. Speed 6 knots! Stand by, numer 2 tube.

Tintin: SOS! SOS! Ramona calling USS Los Angeles. We are being attacked by a submarine

USS Los Angeles: Message received, Ramona. We are coming to your assistance. Hold steady.

Rastapopoulos: Go ahead, Tintin. Call for help all you like You'll be shark bait long before help arrives.

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! Another torpedo to starboard. Full speed ahead! Billions of blue blistering barnacles! We're stuck in reverse! Infernal machine!

Man: Curse them again! They're going astern! They're tough those bys! Ready! Tubes 1 and 4! Still going astern. We've got them this time!

Haddock: Hello! Hello! Engine room!

Man: Hello? Hello?

Haddock: Too late! They got us!

Tintin: Those are the planes from the USS Los Angeles!

Haddock: Depth charges and I thought we'd been torpedoed

Tintin: Look! We're saved! They're surrendering!

Rastapopoulos: Still no news for Kurt and his submarine! The fools! What are they doing? Hello?

Captain: You'd better come to the bridge right away.

Rastapopoulos: All right! I'm coming!

Captain: It's the USS Los Angeles, sir, ordering to drop anchor.

Rastapopoulos: What impertinence! Stop the engines and launch my personal boat. I'll go myself and tell those insolent cowboys what I think of their manners.

Tintin: It looks like as if… Yes! They're dropping a launch!

Rastapopoulos: No, I insist, my friends. I will go alone.

Tintin: Rastapopoulos! He must be the Marquis Di Gorgonzola.

Haddock: Let me have a look at that wretched refugee swindler. Wait! He's sinking!

Woman: Oh! The Marquis! How horrible!

Tintin: I don't believe it. Is he finally gone for good?

Rastapopoulos: Try to catch me now, gentlemen. Ha ha ha ha!

Haddock: Well, what joy to be home again. Listen to those familiar sounds. The gardener mowing the lawn…

Calculus: Welcome back to Marlinspike!

Tintin: That's a funny way to welcome people home, Professor.

Calculus: Welcome back to Marlinspike, gentlemen.

Haddock: What on earth are those contraptions?

Calculus: Oh, no. On the contrary, I think that they are the solution to the terrible traffic problems in our modern cities. They're handy, lightweight, flexible...

Haddock: Fine! Fine! But where's Abdullah? 

Calculus: You wouldn't believe it: 40 mph.

Nestor: Oh, sir. I'm so glad to see you back.

Haddock: Nestor? What's happened to you?

Nestor: I... I'm afraid master Abdullah's visit was not very good for me, sir. But he's gone now. He left you a note.

Man on TV: And the Emir Ben Kalish Ezab is in power once again bringing political stability back to Khemed and ending the ilegal smuggling of refugees by the notorious international gangster Rastapopoulos, who's still missing at sea and presumed drowned.

Haddock: "My dear Blistering barnacles, I have been very good. I haven't play any jokes. I am a bit sad to leave, because it was fun at Marlinspike. With love from your friend Abdullah." Isn't that sweet? You know? He wasn't such a bad kid after... Billions of millions of blue blistering barnacles!

Tintin: The Calculus affair. Script

You can watch the chapter here.

Tintin: The Calculus affair. Script

Tintin: Snowy! Snowy! Oh, Snowy! Would you like go that?

Haddock: Take a whiff of that fine fresh air. Such peace! I'm a country man from now on. I've had enough of careering around the world.

Tintin: Do you really prefer this to a stiff sea breeze?

Haddock: Absolutely! Nothing like a walk to put you to rights! A pity Cuthbert couldn't come with us.

Tintin: Yes! I wonder what Professor Calculus is brewing up for this time. He hasn't emerge from his lab for three months. I think we'd better get back to Marlinspike, Captain. And fast! Now where's Snowy gone? Snowy! Snowy!

Stefan: Here we are. The machine!

Boris: I'll take care of the Professor. You'll deal with the others.

Stefan: With pleasure.

Haddock: Thank you, Nestor.

Tintin: What a storm!

Haddock: Feel safe and cozy in here. Blistering barnacles! Are you all right?

Tintin: I'm okay, but I don't get it. The windows shattered after the thunder struck.

Haddock: You're right. Did you see that? Absolutely incredible.

Tintin: Yes! I've never seen anything like it.

Haddock: Hello?

Voice on telephone: Hello, cutlets?

Haddock: Cutlets? No, madam. That's the butcher. It's 000431 and you oght to know that it is extremely dangerous to telephone during a thunder storm.

Tintin: Captain!

Haddock: Billions of billious blistering blue barnacles!

Stefan: What?

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! That's all we needed. Ten thousand thundering typhoons! Now what? Blue billions fo blue blistering… Who are you and what do you want?

Tintin: Ah, the lights!

Jolyon Wagg: Ah, that's a long story, old boy. There I was driving along when crack: my windshield shattered. Jolyon, I said to myself (Jolyon Wagg, that's my name), Jolyon, I said: "aren't you lucky to be right near such a lovely house to take shelter in."

Haddock: Yeah, lucky…

Jolyon: Aaaah, a little tiff with the wife, eh?

Haddock: Wife? No, it was the lightning.

Jolyon: Lightning? And I'll bet you weren't insured. Well, lucky for you that Jolyon Wagg of the Rock Bottom Insurance Company dropped in. I'll soon have you fixed up with a neat little policy.

Haddock: How kind…

Jolyon: I don't stand on ceremony, you know? Never a dull moment with me around. Yes, indeedy, you bet.

Haddock: Yeah, I'll bet.

Jolyon: You know? I take after my uncle Anatole. What a scream! You should have seen your face when… Did you see that? I must be on my way. I wasted quite enough time here anyway. Goodbye!

Boris: By the whiskers of Kurvi-Tasch.

Tintin: That sounded like a gun shot! Outside!

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! Cuthbert!

Tintin: Professor! Professor! Professor! Is everything all right?

Calculus: No, I promise: not a single drop.

Tintin: Allow me, Professor.

Calculus: Oh, a hole! Terrible the moth this year!

Tintin: It really was a gun shot!

Haddock: Who's the scoundrel who…

Tintin: Snowy must have found something!

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! Is he...

Tintin: No. He's alive. We'de better contact the police.

Haddock: I'll take care of it. You stay here with him.

Tintin: You'll be all right.

Haddock: What happened? Where that scoundrel disappear to?

Tintin: Gone! He had an accomplice. What about the police?

Haddock: Couldn't phoned, line's cut. Now, what?

Jolyon: Mercy! Have pity!

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! Come out of there or I'll shoot.

Jolyon: Please, don't hurt me. I'm just a simple fellow

Haddock: What in blazes are you doing down there?

Jolyon: I was hiding! Someone took a shot on me! I was just walking along when -bang- so I said myself: "Jolyon, someone's trying to kill you." Tintin… Tintin… Look at my batroom! Hurry! Come quick! Look at my bathroom!

Milkman: Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my… I don't know how it happened. I was driving along this as usual when -zing- crash.

T&T: the lights. Precisely.

Tintin: Thompson and Thomson!

T&T: Hello, Tintin! We've come to warn you... bordorian agents are at large in these parts. Precisely: large agents are bordering around these parts.

Tintin: That explain some things. But still I don't understand…

Haddock: Hello, Cuthbert!

Calculus: Oh, hello!

Haddock: Are you going away?

Calculus: Not at all. I'm just going away. I'm on my way to Geneva for a congress of nuclear physics.

Haddock: But you never mentioned it to me before.

Calculus: No, not . Only two or three days. Must be going. I just got trying to catch the train.

Haddock: Well, there's one who never change.

Tintin: Funny though. He seems even more preoccupied than usual.

Boris: Here he comes. Get ready. This time we got him.

Sanzot: Morning, Professor. Would you like a lift into the village?

Calculus: No, thanks. But if you could drop me in the village I really…

Boris: By the whiskers Kurvi-Tasch. Foiled again!

Tintin: You know, Captain? I've been thinking everything over.

Haddock: Oh, yes?

Tintin: Everytime something shattered, Professor Calculus was working in his lab. And since he left for Geneva yesterday, nothing is happened. What's that funny smell?

Haddock: Smells like… tobacco. That's all.

Tintin: But Calculus doesn't smoke.

Haddock: You're right. Holding you! What do you got there?

Tintin: A pack of cigarettes. It fell out of his pocket when Snowy ripped his coat.

Haddock: Funny looking writing.

Tintin: Look at all that broken glass.

Haddock: Thundering typhoons. Cuthbert is the one who's doing…

Tintin: Captain! Hotel Cornavin, Geneva. Does that name mean anything to you?

Haddock: That's the hotel Cuthbert always stays in!

Tintin: The Professor's in danger! Hello! We are Friends of Professor Calculus. Is he staying here?

Man: Good day, gentlemen. Yes, he is. And you're in luck, his key is not on the board, so he must be in his room.

Tintin: Would you call him? for us, please?

Man: Certainly. I'm sorry. There is no reply.

Haddock: He's a bit hard of hearing. We'll go up.

Man: It's in 122. 4th floor.

Tintin: Thank you!

Haddock: I know he's deaf, but this is ridiculous.

Man: Oh, dear. He must have gone out while my back was turn. I'm terribly sorry, gentlemen. You must have just missed each other.

Tintin: You have no idea where he might have gone?

Man: Uhm, he did ask me for the train timetable to Neon and just before that he asked me for a phone number there: a Mr. Topolini or Topolino.

Tintin: Topo... Topolini… Topolino! Here it is! Alfredo Topolino, 57 road to Saint Cergue, Neon. When is that train?

Man: 4:40... I'm afraid you're going to miss it.

Tintin: Oh, oh... Not a second to lose. Let's go!

Stefan: Ey! Can't you watch where you're going?

Haddock: Are you suggesting it was my fault?

Stefan: insulting me? You blundering bouncy.

Haddock: Me? A blundering bargee? Billions of blistering blue barnacles!

Tintin: Please, Captain. We'll miss the train.

Haddock: Floudering oaf! Parasite! Ectoplasm! Lucky for you I'm in a hurry. Just wait I see you…

Tintin: Driver! The train station. And hurry! Did you notice? The man who tripped you was wearing the same overcoat as the man we found in he Professor's lab and smoking the same Brand of cigarettes. The driver! Snowy! They haven't come up! I couldn't see Snowy! There it is!

Boris: Now that Tintin and his friend are out of the way, we can complete our mission. By the whiskers of Kurvi-Tasch. It's them! They're alive! Run them down!

Haddock: Nitwits! Steamrollers!

Tintin: Hurry, Captain! I'am afraid we might be too late! Listen to that!

Haddock: Sounds like someone's banging on a pipe.

Tintin: It's not locked. Mr. Topolino? Professor Calculus!

Haddock: Looks like there's no one home.

Tintin: And the sound has stopped. Great snakes! Who are you?

Topolino: Who am I?? Sapristi… I'm Professor Topolino! Who are you?

Tintin: I'm Tintin and this is Captain Haddock.We're Friends of Professor Calculus.

Topolino: Calculus! That scoundrel!

Haddock: Calculus, a scoundrel? Sir, I refuse to allow…

Topolino: Yes! Scoundrel and monster! He knocked me out, tie me up and left me to rot! Two hours I've been here.

Tintin: Two hours? Then it couldn't possibly have been Calculus. Two hours ago he was still in Geneva.

Topolino: I had a letter from Calculus telling me about his work on ultrasound, the field I specialized in. He asked if we could meet. He seemed alarmed by the results of his research. We had an appointment to meet today.

Tintin: Do you know this man?

Topolino: Never seen him. Who is it?

Tintin: The one and only Professor Calculus.

Topolino: But then…

Tintin: Then the man who knock you out is an imposter. Uh? The same brand! Do you smoke, Professor?

Topolino: No, I don't. These belong to my assistant Boris. He's gone home for a visit to Borduria.

Tintin: Borduria? The Thompsons told us about agents. This is all begining to make sense.

Stefan Boris, are you sure the timing device hasn't stopped?

Boris: Positive! It won't be long now.

Tintin: Your assistant must have contacted to the Bordurian secret service and told about Calculus coming to visit. One of their spies knocked you out and waited for Professor to arrive.

Topolino: Oh, I see how it happened.

Tintin: The trouble is… what have they done to Calculus?

Stefan: That's it! everybody at once.

Haddock: Over here!

Firefighter: Are you hurt?

Haddock: I don't think so. Two more men and a dog. Cuthbert?

Firefighter: How are the others?

Firefighter: Nothing too serious. Mostly shocked.

Tintin: Snowy… Where's Snowy? Good boy!

T&T: Police! We are working an undercover mission here in Switzerland, looking for Haddock and Tintin. To be precise: we've been incognito to find Tintin and Haddock in Switzerland.

Nurse: I see. Come this way.

T&T: How spotless you keep your floors! Absolutely shiny!

Nurse: Yes. It's just been waxed. Be careful.

Tintin: Professor Calculus, where have you been?

Calculus: Not at all. I simply missed my train.

Haddock:Great thundering typhoons! You're safe! You rascal Cuthbert. You had us in the right state.

Calculus: No, not at all. Not at all.

Tintin: Your Discovery must be very important, Professor. If the wrong people got hold of it, there could be disastrous effects on world peace.

Calculus: Right you are. I'm better be on my way. Things to do. I'll be back to see you later.

Nurse: Gentlemen, more visitors for you.

Haddock and Tintin: Thompson and Thomson?

T&T: Just wanted to check up on you. That's to say: have a check up on us.

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! I'm glad to be out of there. The food was terrible!

Calculus: Oh, that reminds me I wanted to pick up some postcards.

Tintin: Okay, but don't be too long.

Calculus: Yes, of course you can come along.

Haddock: No, no! Our plane leaves at noon!

Calculus: Okay, then. Wait there. I'll be back son.

Haddock: Ah! Just two more hours and we'll be on our way home. I can't wait for another nice and quiet walk in that countryside.

Tintin: Why is that car just sitting there? Let's see what's taking the Professor so long.

Haddock: Thundering blistering bazookas!

Tintin: The cigarette! It's the same kind the Bordurian agent smokes! Professor! He's gone! Professor!

Calculus: My umbrella! My umbrella!

Haddock: What do we do now?

Tintin: Find the Bordurian embassy.

Haddock: Look out! Here comes one! Got you! Bloodthirsty devils!

Tintin: Shh, Captain. There's the embassy. Look! Somebody's coming out of the embassy.

Haddock: They got Calculus! Operation: rescue!

Tintin: Captain!

Haddock: Charge! Take this! And that! That'll teach you kidnap my friend!

Tintin: They're putting him in a motor boat.

Boris: They're after us in he helicopter!

Haddock: Aaaaah!

Tintin: Captain! 

Haddock: They're gonna pay for that! Bombs away! Earthworms! Slugs!

Tintin: They're going ashore.

Haddock: Tintin! There they are! Maniac!

Man: You crazy men! Why are you parking in middle of the road?

Tintin: Please, this is an emergency! Our friend has been kidnapped!

Man: Get in! We catch

Tintin: Thank you, sir.

Man: You in?

Haddock: Let's go! Blistering barnacles!

Tintin: Up ahead!

Man: Itlian drivers, best in the world.

Haddock: Thundering typhoons!

Man: There!

Tintin: Thank you, sir. Empty! There they are! Don't worry, Professor. We'll save you!

Voice: Last call for flight 273 to Borduria. Passengers please board immediately.

Boris: Those fools! They're going to Borduria. Borduria 3218.

Lieutenant Kavitch: Colonel Sponsz's office. Yes? I tell him. The plane has just left, Colonel. You were right: Tintin and Haddock were on it.

Colonel: Make sure the welcoming committee is at the airport.

Lieutenant: It has all been arranged, sir.

Colonel: Lieutenant!

Lieutenant: Yes, Colonel?

Colonel: They are not to leave Borduria alive.

Haddock: What sort of place is this?

Tintin: You're right, Captain. There soldiers everywhere. What's wrong, Snowy? Oh, you forgot Professor's umbrella. Well, never mind. We can get him another one when we get back.

Klûmsi: Halt! You are Tintin and Haddock?

Tintin: Yes.

Krônick: Good morning, Mr. Tintin. I am Krônick. This is Klûmsi. We are assigned to protect you on your visit to Borduria. We'll escort you to your hotel. Please, come with us.

Haddock: I think we should do what they say.

Tintin: Come on, Snowy! Come on. It's okay. Good boy! Captain, look! No door handles.

Krônick: Welcome to Borduria.

Tintin: Hello?

Haddock: Tintin, it's me!

Tintin: Uh... Hi, Captain.

Haddock: What are we gonna do? We got to find a way to lose those bulls.

Tintin: Yes, I'll meet you outside your room. I'm hungry too.

Haddock: Uh?

Tintin: The pone is bound to be tapped. Captain, I propose we order a bottle of champagne in honor of our gracious hosts.

Haddock: Champagne? Since when do yo... Ouch!

Tintin: Poor Captain. Is your rheumatism acting up again?

Haddock: Rheuma… Oh, yeah. My rheumatism.

Tintin: Well, there's nothing like champagne for that. Waiter.

Tintin: Okay. Here is my room.

Krônick: I'll stay right in the corridor.

Tintin: Good idea. In the hall.

Krônick: I'll be right outside.

Tintin: Good. Any problems?

Haddock: Nah. Sleeping like a baby.

Tintin: Oh, oh. Guards everywhere.

Guard: A light bulb. Look!

Tintin: Come on, Captain!

Guards: Halt! Halt!

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! My ear drums.

Tintin: Let's blend in with the crowd. Oh, oh. Soldiers everywhere.

Guard: Colonel Sponsz. Their foreigners have escaped.

Sponsz: Find them. You incompetent fools or tomorrow you'll face a firing squad.

Haddock: You sure you know where're you going?

Tintin: There's got to be a back door.

Castafiore: Tintin! Is that you? My handsome young man! How wonderful for you to see me perform.

Tintin: Always a pleasure.

Castafiore: And I see you have brought a friend.

Haddock: Captain Haddock at your service.

Castafiore: Charmed. You must join me for a little celebration. So Mr. Ballock such a success who hasn't did.

Haddock: Uh... Haddock, madam. I... Uh...

Castafiore: Who is it?

Irma: Signora, it is Colonel Sposz. He wishes to pay his respects.

Castafiore: But of course. My admirers. They adore me.

Tintin: Please, madam. Don't let him in. My friend and I are in trouble.

Castafiore: Come in!

Colonel: Ah, madam!

Castafiore: Colonel! Please, sit down.

Colonel: What is this?

Castafiore: Ah, a stage prop colonel. The magic of the opera, yes. Here, allow me to take your coat. Would you take some refreshment with me, Colonel?

Guard: Open up!

Colonel: You again?

Guard: Colonel Sponsz, excuse us. We're searching for the foreigners.

Colonel: They are not here, you idiots! some place else! Forgive me, madam. They are looking for two escaped spies.

Castafiore: It sounds most interesting. You must tell me more, Colonel.

Colonel: It is a matter of no significance. The spies are after a prisoner being held at the Bakhine fortress. They will not succeed, of course. Only I have the necessary papers that will secure prisoners released.

Tintin: Bingo!

Kardouk: Uhm, everything seems to be in order.

Haddock: What are you doing?

Kardouk: You know the rules: all papers must be checked.

Tintin: Of course, commandant.

Kardouk: This is major Kardouk of Bakhine fortress. I wish to speak to Colonel Sponsz. I have two men here with papers ordering to release off the foreigner. Yes? Oh, really? Thank, gentlemen. We'll release the prisoner immediately.

Lieutenant: Uh... Colonel, I just had major Kardouk on the pone, sir. He was confirming of the release the foreigner scientist.

Colonel: Fine. What?? Get Kardouk to the phone! They must not to be allow to leave the fortress!

Haddok: We did it!

Tintin: Welcome back, Professor!

Calculus: Well, no. I've never had the chance to get any postcards.

Haddock: Blistering barnacles!

Tintin: We've been find out! And we're still an hour from the border

Haddock: Faster! They're gaining on us!

Tintin: Captain! I need to

Haddock: Okay!

Tintin: Ready? Now!

Haddock: Ha, ha! Take that, you bike riding slobs. Move it! You should have told me you couldn't drive this tank.

Tintin: You should have asked. I think I've got the hang of it now.

Haddock: We're almost there. The border's only two kilometers away. Landmines!

Tintin: Yeiks!

Haddock: Proletarians! Oh, oh! Road block! What do we do?

Tintin: We'll go ride through. Hang on!

Haddock: We're out the border!

Tintin: Good boy! You found the Professor's umbrella!

Haddock: Ah, what a relieve to be home again.

Tintin: And with our good friend Calculus.

Calculus: That reminds me where is my umbrella.

Tintin: Your umbrella?

Calculus: My umbrella! My dear little umbrella! And now, look! I unscrew the handle and... The microfilm of the plans for my machine! It's gone! Oh, now I remember where I left it! Here it is! I left it on my bedside table. It's a dangerous weapon because some people could use it for war like hends. There is only one thing to do. Destroy these plans. Ah, well thank you, Captain.

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! My nerves won't stand much more of you. You flaming Jack in the box!

Calculus: Chickenpox? At your age? Oh, I am sorry.