Tintin: The Calculus affair. Script

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Tintin: The Calculus affair. Script

Tintin: Snowy! Snowy! Oh, Snowy! Would you like go that?

Haddock: Take a whiff of that fine fresh air. Such peace! I'm a country man from now on. I've had enough of careering around the world.

Tintin: Do you really prefer this to a stiff sea breeze?

Haddock: Absolutely! Nothing like a walk to put you to rights! A pity Cuthbert couldn't come with us.

Tintin: Yes! I wonder what Professor Calculus is brewing up for this time. He hasn't emerge from his lab for three months. I think we'd better get back to Marlinspike, Captain. And fast! Now where's Snowy gone? Snowy! Snowy!

Stefan: Here we are. The machine!

Boris: I'll take care of the Professor. You'll deal with the others.

Stefan: With pleasure.

Haddock: Thank you, Nestor.

Tintin: What a storm!

Haddock: Feel safe and cozy in here. Blistering barnacles! Are you all right?

Tintin: I'm okay, but I don't get it. The windows shattered after the thunder struck.

Haddock: You're right. Did you see that? Absolutely incredible.

Tintin: Yes! I've never seen anything like it.

Haddock: Hello?

Voice on telephone: Hello, cutlets?

Haddock: Cutlets? No, madam. That's the butcher. It's 000431 and you oght to know that it is extremely dangerous to telephone during a thunder storm.

Tintin: Captain!

Haddock: Billions of billious blistering blue barnacles!

Stefan: What?

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! That's all we needed. Ten thousand thundering typhoons! Now what? Blue billions fo blue blistering… Who are you and what do you want?

Tintin: Ah, the lights!

Jolyon Wagg: Ah, that's a long story, old boy. There I was driving along when crack: my windshield shattered. Jolyon, I said to myself (Jolyon Wagg, that's my name), Jolyon, I said: "aren't you lucky to be right near such a lovely house to take shelter in."

Haddock: Yeah, lucky…

Jolyon: Aaaah, a little tiff with the wife, eh?

Haddock: Wife? No, it was the lightning.

Jolyon: Lightning? And I'll bet you weren't insured. Well, lucky for you that Jolyon Wagg of the Rock Bottom Insurance Company dropped in. I'll soon have you fixed up with a neat little policy.

Haddock: How kind…

Jolyon: I don't stand on ceremony, you know? Never a dull moment with me around. Yes, indeedy, you bet.

Haddock: Yeah, I'll bet.

Jolyon: You know? I take after my uncle Anatole. What a scream! You should have seen your face when… Did you see that? I must be on my way. I wasted quite enough time here anyway. Goodbye!

Boris: By the whiskers of Kurvi-Tasch.

Tintin: That sounded like a gun shot! Outside!

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! Cuthbert!

Tintin: Professor! Professor! Professor! Is everything all right?

Calculus: No, I promise: not a single drop.

Tintin: Allow me, Professor.

Calculus: Oh, a hole! Terrible the moth this year!

Tintin: It really was a gun shot!

Haddock: Who's the scoundrel who…

Tintin: Snowy must have found something!

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! Is he...

Tintin: No. He's alive. We'de better contact the police.

Haddock: I'll take care of it. You stay here with him.

Tintin: You'll be all right.

Haddock: What happened? Where that scoundrel disappear to?

Tintin: Gone! He had an accomplice. What about the police?

Haddock: Couldn't phoned, line's cut. Now, what?

Jolyon: Mercy! Have pity!

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! Come out of there or I'll shoot.

Jolyon: Please, don't hurt me. I'm just a simple fellow

Haddock: What in blazes are you doing down there?

Jolyon: I was hiding! Someone took a shot on me! I was just walking along when -bang- so I said myself: "Jolyon, someone's trying to kill you." Tintin… Tintin… Look at my batroom! Hurry! Come quick! Look at my bathroom!

Milkman: Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my… I don't know how it happened. I was driving along this as usual when -zing- crash.

T&T: the lights. Precisely.

Tintin: Thompson and Thomson!

T&T: Hello, Tintin! We've come to warn you... bordorian agents are at large in these parts. Precisely: large agents are bordering around these parts.

Tintin: That explain some things. But still I don't understand…

Haddock: Hello, Cuthbert!

Calculus: Oh, hello!

Haddock: Are you going away?

Calculus: Not at all. I'm just going away. I'm on my way to Geneva for a congress of nuclear physics.

Haddock: But you never mentioned it to me before.

Calculus: No, not . Only two or three days. Must be going. I just got trying to catch the train.

Haddock: Well, there's one who never change.

Tintin: Funny though. He seems even more preoccupied than usual.

Boris: Here he comes. Get ready. This time we got him.

Sanzot: Morning, Professor. Would you like a lift into the village?

Calculus: No, thanks. But if you could drop me in the village I really…

Boris: By the whiskers Kurvi-Tasch. Foiled again!

Tintin: You know, Captain? I've been thinking everything over.

Haddock: Oh, yes?

Tintin: Everytime something shattered, Professor Calculus was working in his lab. And since he left for Geneva yesterday, nothing is happened. What's that funny smell?

Haddock: Smells like… tobacco. That's all.

Tintin: But Calculus doesn't smoke.

Haddock: You're right. Holding you! What do you got there?

Tintin: A pack of cigarettes. It fell out of his pocket when Snowy ripped his coat.

Haddock: Funny looking writing.

Tintin: Look at all that broken glass.

Haddock: Thundering typhoons. Cuthbert is the one who's doing…

Tintin: Captain! Hotel Cornavin, Geneva. Does that name mean anything to you?

Haddock: That's the hotel Cuthbert always stays in!

Tintin: The Professor's in danger! Hello! We are Friends of Professor Calculus. Is he staying here?

Man: Good day, gentlemen. Yes, he is. And you're in luck, his key is not on the board, so he must be in his room.

Tintin: Would you call him? for us, please?

Man: Certainly. I'm sorry. There is no reply.

Haddock: He's a bit hard of hearing. We'll go up.

Man: It's in 122. 4th floor.

Tintin: Thank you!

Haddock: I know he's deaf, but this is ridiculous.

Man: Oh, dear. He must have gone out while my back was turn. I'm terribly sorry, gentlemen. You must have just missed each other.

Tintin: You have no idea where he might have gone?

Man: Uhm, he did ask me for the train timetable to Neon and just before that he asked me for a phone number there: a Mr. Topolini or Topolino.

Tintin: Topo... Topolini… Topolino! Here it is! Alfredo Topolino, 57 road to Saint Cergue, Neon. When is that train?

Man: 4:40... I'm afraid you're going to miss it.

Tintin: Oh, oh... Not a second to lose. Let's go!

Stefan: Ey! Can't you watch where you're going?

Haddock: Are you suggesting it was my fault?

Stefan: insulting me? You blundering bouncy.

Haddock: Me? A blundering bargee? Billions of blistering blue barnacles!

Tintin: Please, Captain. We'll miss the train.

Haddock: Floudering oaf! Parasite! Ectoplasm! Lucky for you I'm in a hurry. Just wait I see you…

Tintin: Driver! The train station. And hurry! Did you notice? The man who tripped you was wearing the same overcoat as the man we found in he Professor's lab and smoking the same Brand of cigarettes. The driver! Snowy! They haven't come up! I couldn't see Snowy! There it is!

Boris: Now that Tintin and his friend are out of the way, we can complete our mission. By the whiskers of Kurvi-Tasch. It's them! They're alive! Run them down!

Haddock: Nitwits! Steamrollers!

Tintin: Hurry, Captain! I'am afraid we might be too late! Listen to that!

Haddock: Sounds like someone's banging on a pipe.

Tintin: It's not locked. Mr. Topolino? Professor Calculus!

Haddock: Looks like there's no one home.

Tintin: And the sound has stopped. Great snakes! Who are you?

Topolino: Who am I?? Sapristi… I'm Professor Topolino! Who are you?

Tintin: I'm Tintin and this is Captain Haddock.We're Friends of Professor Calculus.

Topolino: Calculus! That scoundrel!

Haddock: Calculus, a scoundrel? Sir, I refuse to allow…

Topolino: Yes! Scoundrel and monster! He knocked me out, tie me up and left me to rot! Two hours I've been here.

Tintin: Two hours? Then it couldn't possibly have been Calculus. Two hours ago he was still in Geneva.

Topolino: I had a letter from Calculus telling me about his work on ultrasound, the field I specialized in. He asked if we could meet. He seemed alarmed by the results of his research. We had an appointment to meet today.

Tintin: Do you know this man?

Topolino: Never seen him. Who is it?

Tintin: The one and only Professor Calculus.

Topolino: But then…

Tintin: Then the man who knock you out is an imposter. Uh? The same brand! Do you smoke, Professor?

Topolino: No, I don't. These belong to my assistant Boris. He's gone home for a visit to Borduria.

Tintin: Borduria? The Thompsons told us about agents. This is all begining to make sense.

Stefan Boris, are you sure the timing device hasn't stopped?

Boris: Positive! It won't be long now.

Tintin: Your assistant must have contacted to the Bordurian secret service and told about Calculus coming to visit. One of their spies knocked you out and waited for Professor to arrive.

Topolino: Oh, I see how it happened.

Tintin: The trouble is… what have they done to Calculus?

Stefan: That's it! everybody at once.

Haddock: Over here!

Firefighter: Are you hurt?

Haddock: I don't think so. Two more men and a dog. Cuthbert?

Firefighter: How are the others?

Firefighter: Nothing too serious. Mostly shocked.

Tintin: Snowy… Where's Snowy? Good boy!

T&T: Police! We are working an undercover mission here in Switzerland, looking for Haddock and Tintin. To be precise: we've been incognito to find Tintin and Haddock in Switzerland.

Nurse: I see. Come this way.

T&T: How spotless you keep your floors! Absolutely shiny!

Nurse: Yes. It's just been waxed. Be careful.

Tintin: Professor Calculus, where have you been?

Calculus: Not at all. I simply missed my train.

Haddock:Great thundering typhoons! You're safe! You rascal Cuthbert. You had us in the right state.

Calculus: No, not at all. Not at all.

Tintin: Your Discovery must be very important, Professor. If the wrong people got hold of it, there could be disastrous effects on world peace.

Calculus: Right you are. I'm better be on my way. Things to do. I'll be back to see you later.

Nurse: Gentlemen, more visitors for you.

Haddock and Tintin: Thompson and Thomson?

T&T: Just wanted to check up on you. That's to say: have a check up on us.

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! I'm glad to be out of there. The food was terrible!

Calculus: Oh, that reminds me I wanted to pick up some postcards.

Tintin: Okay, but don't be too long.

Calculus: Yes, of course you can come along.

Haddock: No, no! Our plane leaves at noon!

Calculus: Okay, then. Wait there. I'll be back son.

Haddock: Ah! Just two more hours and we'll be on our way home. I can't wait for another nice and quiet walk in that countryside.

Tintin: Why is that car just sitting there? Let's see what's taking the Professor so long.

Haddock: Thundering blistering bazookas!

Tintin: The cigarette! It's the same kind the Bordurian agent smokes! Professor! He's gone! Professor!

Calculus: My umbrella! My umbrella!

Haddock: What do we do now?

Tintin: Find the Bordurian embassy.

Haddock: Look out! Here comes one! Got you! Bloodthirsty devils!

Tintin: Shh, Captain. There's the embassy. Look! Somebody's coming out of the embassy.

Haddock: They got Calculus! Operation: rescue!

Tintin: Captain!

Haddock: Charge! Take this! And that! That'll teach you kidnap my friend!

Tintin: They're putting him in a motor boat.

Boris: They're after us in he helicopter!

Haddock: Aaaaah!

Tintin: Captain! 

Haddock: They're gonna pay for that! Bombs away! Earthworms! Slugs!

Tintin: They're going ashore.

Haddock: Tintin! There they are! Maniac!

Man: You crazy men! Why are you parking in middle of the road?

Tintin: Please, this is an emergency! Our friend has been kidnapped!

Man: Get in! We catch

Tintin: Thank you, sir.

Man: You in?

Haddock: Let's go! Blistering barnacles!

Tintin: Up ahead!

Man: Itlian drivers, best in the world.

Haddock: Thundering typhoons!

Man: There!

Tintin: Thank you, sir. Empty! There they are! Don't worry, Professor. We'll save you!

Voice: Last call for flight 273 to Borduria. Passengers please board immediately.

Boris: Those fools! They're going to Borduria. Borduria 3218.

Lieutenant Kavitch: Colonel Sponsz's office. Yes? I tell him. The plane has just left, Colonel. You were right: Tintin and Haddock were on it.

Colonel: Make sure the welcoming committee is at the airport.

Lieutenant: It has all been arranged, sir.

Colonel: Lieutenant!

Lieutenant: Yes, Colonel?

Colonel: They are not to leave Borduria alive.

Haddock: What sort of place is this?

Tintin: You're right, Captain. There soldiers everywhere. What's wrong, Snowy? Oh, you forgot Professor's umbrella. Well, never mind. We can get him another one when we get back.

Klûmsi: Halt! You are Tintin and Haddock?

Tintin: Yes.

Krônick: Good morning, Mr. Tintin. I am Krônick. This is Klûmsi. We are assigned to protect you on your visit to Borduria. We'll escort you to your hotel. Please, come with us.

Haddock: I think we should do what they say.

Tintin: Come on, Snowy! Come on. It's okay. Good boy! Captain, look! No door handles.

Krônick: Welcome to Borduria.

Tintin: Hello?

Haddock: Tintin, it's me!

Tintin: Uh... Hi, Captain.

Haddock: What are we gonna do? We got to find a way to lose those bulls.

Tintin: Yes, I'll meet you outside your room. I'm hungry too.

Haddock: Uh?

Tintin: The pone is bound to be tapped. Captain, I propose we order a bottle of champagne in honor of our gracious hosts.

Haddock: Champagne? Since when do yo... Ouch!

Tintin: Poor Captain. Is your rheumatism acting up again?

Haddock: Rheuma… Oh, yeah. My rheumatism.

Tintin: Well, there's nothing like champagne for that. Waiter.

Tintin: Okay. Here is my room.

Krônick: I'll stay right in the corridor.

Tintin: Good idea. In the hall.

Krônick: I'll be right outside.

Tintin: Good. Any problems?

Haddock: Nah. Sleeping like a baby.

Tintin: Oh, oh. Guards everywhere.

Guard: A light bulb. Look!

Tintin: Come on, Captain!

Guards: Halt! Halt!

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! My ear drums.

Tintin: Let's blend in with the crowd. Oh, oh. Soldiers everywhere.

Guard: Colonel Sponsz. Their foreigners have escaped.

Sponsz: Find them. You incompetent fools or tomorrow you'll face a firing squad.

Haddock: You sure you know where're you going?

Tintin: There's got to be a back door.

Castafiore: Tintin! Is that you? My handsome young man! How wonderful for you to see me perform.

Tintin: Always a pleasure.

Castafiore: And I see you have brought a friend.

Haddock: Captain Haddock at your service.

Castafiore: Charmed. You must join me for a little celebration. So Mr. Ballock such a success who hasn't did.

Haddock: Uh... Haddock, madam. I... Uh...

Castafiore: Who is it?

Irma: Signora, it is Colonel Sposz. He wishes to pay his respects.

Castafiore: But of course. My admirers. They adore me.

Tintin: Please, madam. Don't let him in. My friend and I are in trouble.

Castafiore: Come in!

Colonel: Ah, madam!

Castafiore: Colonel! Please, sit down.

Colonel: What is this?

Castafiore: Ah, a stage prop colonel. The magic of the opera, yes. Here, allow me to take your coat. Would you take some refreshment with me, Colonel?

Guard: Open up!

Colonel: You again?

Guard: Colonel Sponsz, excuse us. We're searching for the foreigners.

Colonel: They are not here, you idiots! some place else! Forgive me, madam. They are looking for two escaped spies.

Castafiore: It sounds most interesting. You must tell me more, Colonel.

Colonel: It is a matter of no significance. The spies are after a prisoner being held at the Bakhine fortress. They will not succeed, of course. Only I have the necessary papers that will secure prisoners released.

Tintin: Bingo!

Kardouk: Uhm, everything seems to be in order.

Haddock: What are you doing?

Kardouk: You know the rules: all papers must be checked.

Tintin: Of course, commandant.

Kardouk: This is major Kardouk of Bakhine fortress. I wish to speak to Colonel Sponsz. I have two men here with papers ordering to release off the foreigner. Yes? Oh, really? Thank, gentlemen. We'll release the prisoner immediately.

Lieutenant: Uh... Colonel, I just had major Kardouk on the pone, sir. He was confirming of the release the foreigner scientist.

Colonel: Fine. What?? Get Kardouk to the phone! They must not to be allow to leave the fortress!

Haddok: We did it!

Tintin: Welcome back, Professor!

Calculus: Well, no. I've never had the chance to get any postcards.

Haddock: Blistering barnacles!

Tintin: We've been find out! And we're still an hour from the border

Haddock: Faster! They're gaining on us!

Tintin: Captain! I need to

Haddock: Okay!

Tintin: Ready? Now!

Haddock: Ha, ha! Take that, you bike riding slobs. Move it! You should have told me you couldn't drive this tank.

Tintin: You should have asked. I think I've got the hang of it now.

Haddock: We're almost there. The border's only two kilometers away. Landmines!

Tintin: Yeiks!

Haddock: Proletarians! Oh, oh! Road block! What do we do?

Tintin: We'll go ride through. Hang on!

Haddock: We're out the border!

Tintin: Good boy! You found the Professor's umbrella!

Haddock: Ah, what a relieve to be home again.

Tintin: And with our good friend Calculus.

Calculus: That reminds me where is my umbrella.

Tintin: Your umbrella?

Calculus: My umbrella! My dear little umbrella! And now, look! I unscrew the handle and... The microfilm of the plans for my machine! It's gone! Oh, now I remember where I left it! Here it is! I left it on my bedside table. It's a dangerous weapon because some people could use it for war like hends. There is only one thing to do. Destroy these plans. Ah, well thank you, Captain.

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! My nerves won't stand much more of you. You flaming Jack in the box!

Calculus: Chickenpox? At your age? Oh, I am sorry.