Tintin and the Picaros. Script

You can see the chapter here and here.

Tintin and the Picaros. Script

Haddock: Ahoy, Tintin! Same to you old boy.

Tintin: Hi, Captain! Boy! There's nothing like an invigorating ride in the country air.

Haddock: You mean the cold air. Come on in and warm up.

Tintin: Aaaaah! That's better.

Haddock: Uhm, the new should be on. Blistering barnacles!

Voice on TV: The famous opera Singer Bianca Castafiore arrived in San Teodoros today. She scheduled to give a command performance for General Tapioca this evening. Travelling with her are two highly trained detectives, who have been assigned to keep an eye on madam's extensive jewelry, which it's reportedly insured for over two million dollars. Madam Castafiore will continue her triumphant tour through the rest of this month and Will return to Europe.

Haddock: Uh? Who? Uh? Who?

Jolyon: Yes, Jolyon Wagg. Now, look here. I just saw Bianca on the telly. If she needed insurance,  you should have sent it to me!

Haddock: But… Listen, I...

Jolyon:

Haddock: Well, that's great, but…

Jolyon: And while I got you, Captain, what about your policy on your estate? I can give you a terrific deal, what d'you say?

Haddock: That's what I say! Astrogoth! First Bianca Castafiore, then Jolyon Wagg! What a weight start to weekend. 

Voice on radio: And now the eight o'clock news. Bianca Castafiore was arrested last night in San Teodoro. She is accused of plotting against General Tapioca.

Haddock: Tintin! Tintin! Tapioca has arrested the Castafiore!

Tintin: Are you kidding?

Haddock: No, I'm not. The radio said she was plotting against him or something. Castafiore plotting! That's absolutely ridiculous!

Tintin: I'm sure t's just a misunderstanding.

Calculus: Tintin! Captain! Look! That dictator Tapioca has arrested madam.

Tintin: "Documents detailing plot were found in madam Castafiore's luggage."

Calculus: That's terrible!

Tintin: "The documents named Tintin, Captain Haddock and Professor Calculus as co-conspirators."

Calculus: Simply terrible! Oh, my!

Tintin: "General Tapioca has ordered a full investigation."

Haddock: What a load of bilge!

Tintin: We'd better set Tapioca straight. Let's send him a telegram denying the charges.

Tapioca: Tremble I say, you cowards! Squalking in your dusty mansions! Puppet masters in this vile conspiracy! Tremble crooked Captain Haddock!

Haddock: Crook yourself! You dictatorial duckbill diplodgas!

Tapioca: I have just received this. It is a telegram from Tintin denying the charges. Well, I am reasonable man. This be an innocent misunderstanding. And that's it's why I invit Tintin and his Friends to come to Tapiocopolis to clear this matter up. I personally guarantee them safe passage for a fair and frank exchange of views. My only aimit's to seek out the truth!

Haddock: Well, that's good enough for me.

Tintin: Could be a trick.

Haddock: But he promised a safe passage.

Tintin: Promises are cheap.

Calculus: Weep? Madam is weeping? Oh, dear. We must go to Tapiocapolis immediately!

Haddock: No, Professor! Maybe Tintin's right!

Calculus: Well spoken, Captain. I'll pack right away.

Tintin: Professor…

Haddock: Are you still worried about the trip?

Tintin: I just don't like it, Captain. Something's not right.

Haddock: Nothing is going to happen. Trust me. It says here that Tapioca gat into power by toppling the last ruler in a military coup.

Tintin: That was General Alcázar! He's a friend of mine!

Haddock: Really? Where is he now?

Tintin: The last I heard he was hiding in the jungle trying to organize the resistance.

Haddock: Listen to this: "In the past year, Tapioca has commanded attack from a terrorist group called the Picaros. Tourists are advised to be careful."

Tintin: It's okay, Captain, those must be Alcázar's men.

Haddock: Oh, that's okay then. For a minute I was getting worried too.

Álvarez: Commodore Haddock. Welcome to Tapiocapolis.

Haddock: Thank you, but I'm just Captain.

Álvarez: Such modesty. Señor Tintin?

Tintin: Yes.

Álvarez: General Tapioca has been detained on business. I am Colonel Álvarez, his aide-de-camp.

Tintin: How do you do?

Álvarez: Ah! And you must be Professor Calculus. A pleasure to meet you, señor profesor.

Calculus: Forgive me, officer, but I cannot shake the hand of someone who disregards human rights!

Calculus: Don't take any notice of Calculus. He's just making a joke.

Álvarez: Of course. Now, if you gentlemen will follow me, I will take you to your accomodations.

Tintin: How is madam Castafiore?

Álvarez: She's very well, señor.

Tintin: Can we see her?

Álvarez: I'm sorry, but I am afraid that it's not possible.

Calculus: And what about madam Castafiore?

Álvarez: Señor?

Calculus: Don't tell me you've forgotten about her.

Álvarez: No, señor. It is not possible to forget madam Castafiore.

Haddock: Carnival?

Álvarez: It is a very big affair. Performance come from all over the world.

Haddock: Sounds like fun.

Álvarez: Sí, señor commodore.

Tintin: Colonel, where're you taking us? I thought we were staying in the city.

Álvarez: The city gets very noisy during carnaval, so General Tapioca made arrangements to get you peaceful accomodations in the country.

Tintin: You've got us well guarded.

Álvarez: A simple precaution against terrorists. Nothing to be alarmed about. I trust these accomodations will be o your liking, señores.

Haddock: They're fine.

Álvarez: Ah, Manolo. Manolo has been assigned to look after you. Just call and he will come. I will leave you now. Please, make yourselves comfortable.

Haddock: He looks like a thug. Maybe we misjudge Tapioca, this place seems comfortable enough.

Álvarez: Remember your orders, Manolo.

Manolo: Sí, señor coronel.

Álvarez: You will watch them very carefully!

Manolo: Sí, señor coronel.

Álvarez: They do not suspect anything, Colonel Sponsz.

Sponsz: Good! My plan is working. 

Álvarez: You were right, Colonel. Tintin could not resist coming to Tapiocapolis to check the false documents we planted on Castafiore.

Sponsz: Interference omes naturally to him. He ruined one of my most important operations in Borduria, because he cannot mind his own business. However, this time he will regret it.

Haddock: What a beautiful night! I think I'll open the doors. Uhm, must be stuck. Confounded thing! Confounded thing!

Manolo: El señor okay?

Haddock: Señor will be fine if you put away that blunderbuss.

MAnolo: Sí.

Haddock: Why won't the windows open?

Manolo: They are sealed for air conditioning to keep the cold air in.

Haddock: Well, turn off the can air and let's get some fresh air.

Manolo: Windows they do not open. Buenas noches, señor.

Haddock: Thanks, friend. Really you tried to hard.

Manolo: I clean up.

Haddock: You do that, there's a good chap. Now, where did I put my tobacco?

Manolo: Señor, where are you going?

Haddock: To get some tobacco.

Manolo: No, señor. Too late. All stores are closed now.

Haddock: Then I'll just take a walk instead.

Manolo: No, señor. It's not allowed.

Haddock: Not allowed?

Manolo: It's not good for security. Picaros may attack. I must insist you go back to room, señor.

Haddock: Insist, uh? Okay. Good night. You were right, Tintin.

Tintin: You want to here some music, Captain?

Haddock: Music? No, I don't want music. I'd said that we are prisoners! Are you mad? Turn it off!

Castafiore: I love how lovely I look in this mirror.

Tintin: Look! It's a microphone!

Haddock: You mean they can hear us?

Tintin: Not only that. They're watching us as well.

Álvarez: Tintin has found us out, Colonel Sponsz.

Sponsz: He is no fool. Never mind. He's only a few short hours from death.

Tintin: We've got to get out of here.

Haddock: Maybe we could escape when we meet with Tapioca.

Tintin: If we're allowed to meet with him.

Haddock: Come in!

Pablo: Buenas tardes, señores. Manolo had a minor accident. I'm his replacement. Do you mind aloud this music?

Tintin: Oh, not at all.

Calculus: Ah! Lunch. I'm starved. Not that bujabais again.

Pablo: You are in great danger, señores. Tomorrow, an attack by the Picaros will be faked.

Calculus: Thank you!

Pablo: In the course of the fighting, you are be killed.

Haddock: Killed?

Pablo: It would be meant to look like an unfortunate accident.

Tintin: Why this General Tapioca want to kill us?

Pablo: It is not General Tapioca. It is Colonel Sponsz.

Haddock and Tintin: Sponsz?!

Tintin: The chief of police in Shoho?

Pablo: That is the one. He's been assigned to General Tapioca to reorganize his security police. General Alcázar says not to worry.

Tintin: No thanks! General Alcázar?

Pablo: Sí, señor. I work for him.

Calculus: No, thank you. Oh! I can't believe it!

Tintin: What?

Calculus: Just a bird in window. A beautiful one.

Tintin: What's Alcázar's plan.

Pablo: Tomorrow you will be taken n the trip to see the pyramide of Hotuatabouti. You will ask the soldiers if you can climb to the top. I will go with you. When we are safe and out of the way, General Alcázar...

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! That tastes horrible!

Pablo: Perdone, señor. As I was saying once we're out of the way and attacked by the real Picaros will be mounted. The wine is excellent, señor.

Haddock: Balderdash!

Calculus: It worked.

Tintin: So the Picaros will attack and then what, Pablo?

Pablo: Ah, yes... In the confusión, you were to tie me up and escape. General Alcázar Will be waiting for you in the jungle.

Tintin: Pablo, thanks.

Pablo: It is nothing, señor.

Álvarez: Your friend seems preoccupied.

Haddock: Oh! So you have notice? He is upset hat we haven't met with General Tapioca yet.

Álvarez: Oh, I forgot! The General sends his apologies. He will see you tomorrow morning.

Tintin: Oh, really? Great!

Haddock: What?

Tintin: Why are we stopping? I thought we were going to the pyramid.

Álvarez: A slight change in plan, señor.

Haddock: What d'you mean a slight change in plan? We want to go to the pyramid.

Álvarez: We will go to the pyramid shortly, Captain. But first, we stopped for your tobacco.

Haddock: Oh, yes, of course.

Tintin: It's magnificent.

Pablo: If you wish to climb it, I will take you up.

Haddock: Lead the way.

Álvarez: Señores, be careful. The steps are very steep.

Tintin: We'll be careful, Colonel.

Haddock: Come on, Professor. Come along, Professor!

Calculus: No, thank you, Captain. I suffer from fear of heights.

Haddock: Don't be silly.

Calculus: Great sunspot, Captain. Leave me alone… I tell you I don't want to!

Haddock: Come on, you don't want to miss the view!

Calculus: Will you stop it, Captain! For goodness sake! I can't believe it!

Tintin: That took longer than I thought.

Pablo: We must hurry, señor! Here! Tie me up.

Calculus: Your conduct is unqualifible, Captain. Unqualifiable! That what it is...

Haddock: We made it.

Calculus: My word! Now what's going on?

Pablo: It started!

Tintin: Captain! Take the Professor and find Alcázar! We'll catch up with you.

Haddock: Got you!

Calculus: I demand you…

Tintin: Thank you, Pablo. I will never forget…

Pablo: Quick, Señor! You may thank me later.

Haddock: Come on, Professor!

Calculus: Leave me alone!

Alcázar's men: Follow us!

Haddock: Come along, Professor!

Calculus: What on earth?

Alcázar's men: Into the truck! Quickly! You go with the driver!

Tintin: General Alcázar!

Alcázar: Hop in, amigo!

Álvarez: So, the trap is sprung. Good work, Pablo.

Pablo: It was quite easy, Colonel!

Álvarez: Puma to Jaguar: come in.

Soldier: Jaguar to Puma, receiving you.

Álvarez: Alcázar's truck is on the way. It should reach a position in approximately seven minutes. Don't miss it. Over.

Soldier: Do not worry, Puma. I cannot miss. Over and out.

Alcázar: You see? General Alcázar is true to his friends. As son as I got your message I...

Tintin: Our message? But Pablo came to us with your message!

Alcázar: My message? What are you saying, amigo?

Soldier: Target approaching!

Alcázar: Pablo is one of my most loyal men.

Tintin: Then why did he lie to both of us?

Soldier: Load!

Alcázar: No, Pablo would not betray me.

Pablo: Would d'you stay your life on that chip? Hey! There's something on the road.

Alcázar: Here, take a look.

Tintin: Thanks. It's just a monkey.

Soldier: Aim!

Tintin: Wait! Something frightened him! Stop the truck, general.

Alcázar: Are you crazy, amigo?

Tintin: Stop!

Soldier: Fire! Fools! You missed! Reload.

Tintin: Captain! Calculus! Let's get out of here.

Tintin: Professor?

Calculus: I most strongly suggest that whoever was driving this trunk invest in a few lessons!

Tintin: Come on, Professor!

Calculus: Tintin! I can walk!

Soldier: Fire! Quickly! Check the wreckage!

Calculus: Oh, my!

Tintin: Come on!

Calculus: Really…

Soldier: No one can survive that. Haguar to Puma. Jaguar to Puma.

Álvarez: Go ahead, Jaguar.

Soldier: Mission accomplished. Over.

Álvarez: Received. Excellent! Colonel Sponsz will be pleased. You have done well, Pablo.

Alcázar: I can't believe. A renegade!

Haddock: Double crosser! Turn coat! Swine!

Tintin: Actually, he really do us a favor. Now Colonel Sponsz thinks we are dead, so we are free to come up with the plan to rescue our friends: Bianca and the Thompsons.

Haddock: You're forgetting we're stuck in the middle of the jungle.

Tintin: Not for long. Alcázar said we shall reach his camp soon.

Haddock: That should be a trick.

Alcázar: Hey, amigos! I've been thinking. You want to join the Picaros?

Haddock: Oh, great! That's all we need. We're done for being plotters to prisoners, ambush victims to terrorists guerrillas. What next? What are you laughing at?

Calculus: Frankly, Captain, I didn't understand why we came down the pyramid so quickly, when you forced me to climb up there in the first place.

Haddock: Give me strength. How much longer do we have to trip through this overgrown plant store?

Alcázar: It is not far to the camp now.

Tintin: How many Picaros are there, General?

Alcázar: Thirty or so.

Tintin: Thirty? Is that enough to overthrown Tapioca?

Alcázar: With me as their leader, thirty Picaros can do anything. We plan to sneak into the capital during carnaval and free your friends.

Tintin: Captain? Captain! Are you okay?

Haddock: Anchors away!

Tintin: How did they get those bottles?

Alcázar: Tapioca drops them into the jungle. He knows the Picaros will drink them, so they won't be able to fight. The Bandito river will lead us to the Picaros camp. Take cover! If it is one of the Tapioca's, let's hope they didn't see us.

Tintin: Captain!

Soldier: What's that? A Picaro by the river? Where did he go? Caramba! He's disappeared!

Tintin: Captain!

Haddock: Blistering barnacles!

Tintin: Hang on, Captain!

Haddock: How did I get here?

Alcázar: Gunshots! Coming from the camp!

Tintin: Oh, oh. Looks like the bottles got here before we did.

Picaro: General! Come join the party.

Alcázar: Caramba!

Picaro: ¡Viva el general!

Peggy: Alcázar!!!! You've got some nerve sneaking out of the camp without telling me. If you think you can just run off and leave me any time you want, you've got another thing coming. Understood??!

Alcázar: Yes, my dove.

Peggy: And who are these guys?

Alcázar: These are my old friends: Captain Haddock, Tintin and Professor Calculus.

Calculus: My dear lady, your lovely welcome has moved me deeply. It shall be a pleasure to share your delightful company as we prepare for war.

Peggy: Oh, well… They can stay in the tool hut.

Alcázar: She may seem a little harsh, but she has a heart of gold.

Peggy: Alcázar!!!

Calculus: What a charming woman. Such grace and beauty. As for her husband, his revolution will never succeed if his army keeps drinking.

Tintin: I know. There goes our best chance to rescue the Thompsons and madam Castafiore.

Calculus: Luckily for everyone, I've been doing some herbal experiments in jungle apothecary.

Haddock: Jungle apoth-a-what?

Calculus: No, not at all, Captain. I've given it something that wuld made those men stop drinking. Any one taking one of these pills will find the taste of alcohol unbearable. And the very first person who I tested in on were you, Captain.

Haddock: Me? You miserable blundering barbequed blister!

Calculus: My sister has nothing to do with it.

Haddock: It's a scandal!

Tintin: Uhmm, pills. The Picaros will probably resist it.

Calculus: My sister! I ask you to leave her out of this.

Tintin: No, Professor, the Picaros will resist taking these pills, unless we sneak them into their food.

Haddock: It's worth a try.

Calculus: Come to think of it: I don't have a sister, but if I did, this is the last place I'd wanted her to be.

Tintin: General! I know how to stop the Picaros from drinking, but first you have to promise that the revolution will be peaceful. No executions!

Alcázar: A revolution without executions??! I would be the laughingstock of the country... But surely… that we can make another deal. How about one fifth of the gold reserves in el Banco de la Nación?

Tintin: I'm not interested in money. I want a peaceful revolution.

Alcázar: Forget it! I'll get the Picaros under control myself.

Tintin: Grenade! Tear gas!

Alcázar: Tintin! I have changed my mind, I will accept your conditions. Then my friends, you must watch the ridiculous justice of General Tapioca.

Tintin: TV coverage? Even in a remote jungle camp.

Soldier: Before you sit two evil, brutal men. So cunning are these would be assassins, they have even grown moustaches to better fit in and gain our trust.

T&T: We object! We were born with our moustaches.

Soldier: Silence! I find you guilty. Death!

Tintin: It's not fair.

Alcázar: I told you, amigo.

Soldier: As for you, Bianca Castafiore, you will expend the rest of your life in prison.

Castafiore: Are you making a joke, non? A silly joke made by a silly Little soldier.

Soldier: It's not joke!Here is proof!

Castafiore: You make me laugh. He he he he! Margarita!

Calculus: Oh, my! Gentlemen, please!

Soldier: Kill him! Hang the traitor!

Alcázar: What's going on?

Soldier: The spy! I've caught him dropping pills into the chili. He's trying to poison us!

Tintin: General...

Alcázar: It's okay, amigos, those pills were only vitamines.

Soldier: I don't trust this food. The dog must eat it first. Doggy woggy, come! Good stuff. Eat it! Amigos, who want's to eat this stuff??

Tintin: Back! Snowy, eat! Eat! Come on, boy. You see? Totally safe.

Driver: Oh, I say. How far to Tapiocapolis?

Tintin: Uh... We aren't sure.

Jolyon Wagg: Bless my buttons! Look who it is! It's Tintin and the Captain!

Haddock: Jolyon Wagg!

Jolyon: You've got it, old friend! Oopsie-daisy! Me and my troup, the Jolly-follies, have been invited to perform at the big carnaval. I've designed these costumes myself. Nice, uh, don't you think?

Haddock: Very interesting.

Alcázar: What's going on, amigo?

Jolyon: Ah, the chap in charge. Mind if my gang spends the night in your camp?

Alcázar: Forget it!

Tintin: Ah... General...

Alcázar: Perhaps I spoke a little hastily, my friend. You may stay here as long as you like.

Jolyon: Morning, Professor. Sleep well?

Peggy: Alcázar!!! Where is that lazy?

Alcázar: "Peggy, my dove, at dawn we left to overthrow the tyrant Tapioca. Love, Alcázar. P.S.: due to the revolution I will not be home in time to cook diner.

Peggy: Alcázar! Alcázar!

Tintin: I feel bad sneaking off with Wagg's bus like this.

Alcázar: What's more important? Some silly tourists or winning the revolution and saving your friends from firing squad?

Tintin: If you put in that way, but will we make it in time?

Alcázar: Another hour and we will be there in time for part two of our plan. Long live to revolution!

Tapioca: A carnaval and an execution on the same day. Isn't life grand, Colonel Álvarez?

Álvarez: It is with you, as our leader, your excellency.

Tapioca: Look at those people. All of them love me.

Álvarez: Is it really safe to stand on this balcony? What if some treacherous Picaros are in town?

Tapioca: The Picaros? Nonsense! Colonel Sponsz is taking care of them, haven't you, Colonel?

Álvarez: You worry too much. The Picaros are far away and too drunk to be of any danger.

Tapioca: You see, Colonel Álvarez? You worry too much. And what is this?

Tintin: Remember your promise, General. No bloodshed!

Alcázar: Sí, I remember.

Tintin: Ready with the chloroform?

Haddock: Ready!

Tapioca: They are hilarious! I would like to meet some of them!

Tintin: The show is over, Tapioca!

Tapioca: Is this a joke?

Alcázar: Sí, the biggest joke ever.

Tapioca: Alcázar!

Alcázar:That's general Alcázar to you.

Tintin: Captain! Look who's at the window! Colonel Sponsz, we meet again.

Álvarez and Sponsz: Tintin!

Tintin:I heard you were behind this Sponsz.

Sponsz: Nonsense! The Bordurian government has sent me here as an oficial representive to advise General Tapioca's military.

Álvarez: He is lying!

Sponsz: Be quiet!

Tintin: No, let's hear it, Álvarez.

Álvarez: He wanted revenge for when you humiliated him in his homeland, so he planted false documents on madam Castafiore and had her arrested.

Tintin: Knowing I would come to help them. Nice try, Sponsz.

Alcázar: Read it! Read it!

Tapioca: No!

Alcázar: I said: read it!

Tapioca: Citizens of San Teodoro, rejoice. I, General Tapioca, surrender all my Powers to General Alcázar.

Alcázar: Get this tape to the radio station. Have them play it right away. As for your execution…

Tintin: General...

Alcázar: There will be not execution.

Tapioca: No execution? Are you crazy?

Tintin: It's not my idea! It's his.

Tapioca: But, señor, he has to execute me. Traditions demands it.

Sorry, Tapioca, you'll be exiled to Borduria with your pal Sponsz.

Tapioca: Exiled? You can't! The shame! The humiliation!

Tintin: Álvarez, unless you wish to join Sponsz in Borduria you'd better get on the phone and stop the Thompsons execution.

Álvarez: Yes, sir. The phone is dead! The Picaros must have cut the lines.

Tintin: We have to get to the prison at once.

Alcázar: Colonel Álvarez. Take Tintin and the Captain to the prison.

Álvarez: Sí, General! Hurry, amigos. We have only 5 minutes to stop the firing squadron.

Man: I am sorry, señores, but it is time. We must go.

T&T: Right then. One must be on time. Precisely, Thompson. One must always be on time for one's execution.

Tapioca: Citizens of San Teodoro, rejoice. I, General Tapioca, surrender all my power to General Alcázar.

Haddock: If only we had a car.

Álvarez: A car would never make it to this clowns.

Tintin: No, but that big float will.

Álvarez: To the prison, quickly.

Tintin: Clear the road! Look out! Coming through!

Soldier: A final cigarette?

T&T: Bad for ur health.

Soldier: Blind folds?

T&T: A Thompson likes to look death right in the eye. Right Thompson? Right.

Soldier: Squad! Ready!

Álvarez: There is the prison.

T&T: Well, Thomson. Any last words? How about "good bye"?

Soldier: Aim!

Tintin: Hold your fire! Hands up!

Álvarez: By order of his excellency General Alcázar, this execution is canceled.

Tintin: Sorry we couldn't get here sooner

T&T: Quite all right, Tintin. We're policemen. All in the line of duty.

Tintin: Now, what about madam Castafiore?

Castafiore: You fool! Tell that chef of yours l said al dente! Mamma mia! My rescuing prince! I knew you'd come to save me. My dear Irma. Mr. Wagner, what a pleasure to see you together again. I must sing something!

Alcázar: As president, I award you the sacred order of San Teodoro.

Jolyon: Glad to have been of service. Right! A big horray for the General

Alcázar: I am touched. Now please, go out and enjoy the carnaval. As for you, Professor, without your pills, the revolution could never have been launched.

Calculus: Beans? For lunch? Oh, no! Thank you.

Alcázar: What about you, Tintin? Are you sure you will not accept a reward?

Tintin: Freeing my friends is reward enough for me. Thanks for keeping your promise.

Alcázar: The revolution is a success. The airforce and navy have rejoined us.

Peggy: Alcázar! You've got some nerve leaving me in that stinking bug infested jungle while you laze abut this palace! Bring my backs upstairs and get diner started!!

Alcázar: Yes, my dove.

Haddock: Ah, it'll be nice to get back home to Marlinspike.

Tintin: You said it, Captain!

Tintin: Stock de coque. Script

You can see the chapter here.

Tintin: The red sharks sea. Script

Tintin: Did you enjoy the film, Captain?

Haddock: So, so... The chap who played the lead is a good actor.

Tintin: He looked a lot like our old friend General Alcázar.

Haddock: The ending was far too improbable. I can't believe things like that really happen. You think about someone and then he pops on the street corner, just like that? When? Look here, you misguided missile! Can you watch where you're going?

Tintin: General Alcázar!

Alcázar: Eh… Yes... Uh...

Tintin: It's extraordinary! Imagine! The Captain and I were just talking about you.

Alcázar: About me?

Tintin: What are you doing here?

Alcázar: Me? I travel… For... Excuse me, please. Mucho hurry. Late for appointment.

Alcázar: Where can we get in touch with you, General?

Alcázar: Hotel Bristol. Adiós, amigos.

Haddock: Not very chatty, is he?

Tintin: Uhm… Strange… Ups! What's this? It's the general's wallet. He must have dropped it when you bumped into him. Hurry! Maybe we can find him!

Haddock: I'd say the General has vamoosed.

Tintin: Are you sure? Look! He's a fairly heavy-built man with a small moustache.

Man: No sir, I'm terrible sorry. I've never seen the gentleman.

Tintin: That's strange… Why wouldn't he tell us where he was really staying?

Haddock: Hey! Why is the door open?

Tintin: Snowy? Poor Snowy… Who's done this to you?

Haddock: By thunder! I'll get to the bottom of this. Billions of blue blistering barnacles!

Tintin: Captain! Are you all right?

Haddock: Who's the thunder son of the sea gherkin who did that? Nestor! Nes… Aaaaaah!

Tintin: Abdullah!

Haddock: Abdullah? Blistering barnacles!

Abdullah: Blistering barnacles! Blistering barnacles! Do it again, blistering barnacles! Do it again!

Haddock: You young ruffian, what are you doing here?

Andullah: Wait, blistering barnacles. I have a present for you.

Haddock: A present for me? Dear little fellow.

Andullah: It's for you, blistering barnacles. From me.

Haddock: Thank you, Abdullah. You really shouldn't have. A cuckoo clock!

Tintin: It's beautiful!

Haddock: It's magnificent!

Abdullah: To wind it up, you do this.

Haddock: Blue blistering thundering typhoons! You won't get away with this!

Hassim: You stop! Touch not the son of my master! I am Hassim, servant to his Highness Prince Abdullah. I bring you a message from my master.

Tintin: "My dear friends, I entrust to you my beloved son Abdullah. For here, his life is in danger. Should misfortune befall me, as the falcon springs on the innoent gazelle. I count on you, my friend, to provide Abdullah with the warm and care he requires. May peace be with you and all members of your household. Sign: Emir Ben Kalish Ezab.

Haddock: What! You little brat! I'm gonna teach you a lesson!

Nestor: Oh, sir, it's dreadful!

Haddock: Later, Nestor! Later!!

Nestor: But, sir, all those foreign persons are in the stare room, sir.

Tintin: You'll feel better after a cup of coffee, Captain.

Haddock: No, thanks. I have to watch my nerves. That little monster will be up in a moment. Oh, no! Abdullah is coming!

Haddock and Tintin: Professor Calculus?

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! I have enough problems in this house without you rolling around like some out of control freight train!

Professor: Rain? No, it's a splendid morning for a stroll. Well, that's what I thought I was doing. Ah! I see breakfast is served.

Haddock: Cuthbert! Why don't you take these infernal things off before you really hurt yourself? Nestor, will you answer that door?

Nestor: Begging your pardon, sir, but the young foreign gentleman of your guest, sir, finds rather amusing to ring the doorbell again and again and run off as soon as I open it.

Haddock: Abdullah has gone to far. Nestor, fetch me the garden hose. Okay, open it.

T&T: Good morning.

Tintin: What can I do for you, detectives?

T&T: We will brief and to the point. Tell us everything you know about General Alcázar.

Tintin: General Alcázar? Well… Uh... I knew him when he was president of San Teodoros. Then he was deposed by General Tapioca in a coup. Then he staged the counter-coup and took it back. And that's all!

T&T: That's all, is it? And what did he tell you last night when you met up with him to be precise?

Tintin: Last night?

T&T: Surprised you, didn't we?

Tintin: Well, it's true. We met up last night. He seemed to be in a big hurry… Oh! And he told us he was staying at...

T&T: The hotel Excelsior. We know that too.

Tintin: Excelsior, uh? Well, can't keep anything from you two. But why are you asking about Alcázar? What's he done?

T&T: What's he done? My dear fellow, if you imagine we tell you that he's smuggling air craft, you are much mistaken, or that we tell you that General Alcázar is mounting a counterrevolution after Tapioca redeposed him,  you can forget it! Mum's the word! That's our motto! Well said, Thompson. Thank you, Thomson. Good bye, Tintin.

Tintin: Thanks for the information.

Man: General Alcázar? Yes, sir, I think you'll fing him lounge.

Tintin: That man that Alcázar's with I know him. His name is Dawson, I had a run-in with him in Chine. He's obviously move into arms dealing. Ah! Thompson and Thomson are here too. Captain, give this back to the General.

Haddock: Right-o!

Tintin: I'm going to follow Dawson. I'll see you back at Marlinspike. Taxi! Follow that black Jaguar. Wait here and keep the engine running.

Man: Morning, guv! Seen today's paper?

Dawson: Ah, very good! I see those plains we sold to Mull Pasha did a great job. He'll be rid of the Emir in no time. Now Alcázar has got his plains, we can overthrow Tapioca once and for all.

Tintin: Abdullah! That little pest!

Man: What's this?

Antoher man: It was a young lad with a white dog.

Dawson: What? Tintin!

Voice on radio: We will bring you further developments on the coup d'état Khemed as they become available to us. In other news Mull Pasha's forces had taken control of the city of Wadesdah, the Emir Ben Kalish Ezab is missing and feared dead. Information is difficult to obtain this time.

Tintin: Poor Abdullah. Hey! Abdullah! He's too young to realize how serious things are.

Haddock: Blue blistering barnacles! That little pest! The plague! That's it! He goes back to his father now!

Tintin: It's too late, Captain. The emir has been overthrown in a coup d'état.

Haddock: That's just great! There is no way we can send him back now.

Tintin: But there's nothing to keep us from going away.

Haddock: Tintin, you're a genious. But where?

Tintin: To Khemed!

Haddock: Ah, yes! Good! What?! In the middle of a revolution? No, thanks. I'll take my chances with the kid. Let's pack.

Dawson: Mull Pasha? Dawson here. You should expect a visit from Tintin.

Müller: Put this in the baggage compartment once everyone is off the plane.

Man: Passports, please, gentlemen. I'm sorry, you have no permit to stay in Khemed.

Haddock: What?

Man: You must reboard the plane and return to Beirut.

Haddock: Blistering barnacles! There's nothing wrong with our papers. What sort of yarn is that?

Man: It is done Mull Pasha

Müller: Excellent. Bon voyage, Tintin.

Haddock: Another eternity in this flying coffin. Rattling about like dice. I wonder what sort of trouble Will drop on us next. Thundering typhoons! Everything happens to me!

Tintin: Captain, are you okay?

Haddock: Tintin, I'm very nerve on this

Tintin: You know, Captain, I'll bet this Mull Pasha character has something to do with our being told to leave with … What's the matter, Snowy? What is it?

Man: Fire! We're on fire!

Pilot: Wadesdah tower! Wadesdah tower! This is Khozd! Starboard motor on fire. We're turning back, trying for an emergency landing at Wedesdah. Port engine misfiring! We're losing altitude!

Tintin: Snowy! This is no time for games.

Man: Give me a parachute!

Pilot: Please, sir, just go and sit down.

Man: I tell you I demand a parachute.

Haddock: Now, look here young fellow.

Pilot: Thanks, lad. Tell everyone to hold on tight. I'm going to try to land. Well, the fire's out, but we'd better move into the shade while we wait for a rescue party.

Pilot 2: Wadesdah is only 50 kilometers away. We won't have to wait long for them to find us.

Tintin: Listen, Captain. If they take us back to Wadesdah, we'll just be expelled again. I think we should sneak back in on our own.

Haddock: What? 50 kilometers on foot?

Tintin: It's our only hope of finding the Emir. All right, Snowy. I'm coming! I'll be right back, Snowy is determined to show me something.

Haddock: 50 kilometers… In this heat. I could sure go for a cigar right about now. Even one of Abdullah's exploiding cigars. Tintin! Tintin!! Tintin, are you all right?

Tintin: Snowy… Where's Snowy? Snowy, good old Snowy. You sensed danger, didn't you? And you tried to warn me and I just thought you wanna to play. That had to be a time bomb, Captain, and I'll bet it was intended for us.

Haddock: Wadesdah will be crawling with solders.

Tintin: And so will this crash site when Mull Pasha finds out we weren't blown in bits by his bomb. Let's go. I've got a friend in Wadesdah: Oliveira da Figueroa. He'll hide us. Okay, Captain, they're gone. Now let's find Oliveira's. Captain? Come on, stay awake! It's just down this alley. Senhor Oliveira. Senhor Oliveira!

Oliveira: Tintin! Come inside! Quickly!

Haddock: What?

Oliveira: There's a pretty heavy price on your heads, my friends.

Tintin: You can bet Mull Pasha is behind that.

Oliveira: Also known as Dr. Müller.

Tintin: Dr. Müller? So once again I'm up against that scoundrel. What's his involment in this whole mess?

Oliveira: Let me bring you up to date on the situation. A few months ago, Wadesdah became a major link in the air routes of Arab Air. Then, when the Emir found out that Arab Air was being used for some pretty nasty illegal traffic, he canceled the deal.

Tintin: And I'll bet that's when all the political unrest flared up.

Oliveira: Exactly! Heavily founded by someone as yet unknown, Mull Pasha mounted a coup and force the Emir into hiding.

Haddock: Ah!

Tintin: Captain!

Haddock: I was sinking?

Tintin: No, Captain, you just set your beard on fire. I Heard the Emir was feared dead.

Oliveira: No, he is hiding in the Djebel mountains.

Tintin: We absolutely have to get to him. For his son's sake.

Oliveira: First do we get some sleep. Tomorrow I will find the way for you to leave the city and join the Emir.

Haddock:Thundering typhoons…

Tintin: That was close…

Haddock: Blistering barnacles, now we're in trouble.

Tintin: Quick! There is our guide!

Müller: Mull Pasha here. Order the escort of Mosquitos to take off immediately. Their mission? To wipe out a party of three horsemen who have left Wadesdah and are heading for the Djebel mountains.

Mosquito: Dust cloud at ten o'clock. Must be them.

Müller: There they are. Got you now, Tintin!

Mosquito: Ready to fire!

Müller: Fire! Fire!

Mosquito: Mission accomplished!

Müller: Bungling oafs! You'll be court-martialed! Dismissed! Reduced to ranks! I'll have you shot!

Soldier: Hold!

Guide: Donpt shoot. We're friends. The dogs bark, the camels passed, friends. These strangers had come to see the Emir.

Soldier: All right. Come this way.

Tintin: Wow!

Haddock: Incredible!

Tintin: A whole city carved eight out of the rock!

Emir: Tintin! Captain! You, here! It's unbelievable! But what about my son? My precious darling, where is he?

Tintin: Rest asured, your Highness. He is in good hands at Marlinspike

Emir: Thank you, Tintin. Your help is precious to me. The resistance movement is growing and soon I will throw out that slimy serpent of Müller, but of course Müller is just a front to keep us from seeing the real culprit: Di Gorgonzola.

Tintin: Di Gorgonzola? The famous millionaire?

Emir: He owns Arab Air, which he uses to smuggle illegal refugees for astronomical feeds. That mangy dog! As long as the international crook run scot-free, peace will be nothing but an illusion.

Tintin: We have to stop them somehow.

Emir: It will be difficult. Gorgonzola is very rich and very powerful. By Allah, let us hope your dog has not gone near Ayesha.

Tintin: Snowy! Yeiks! Calm down, Snowy. You see, your Highness? The powerful ones don't always get the last word.

Haddock: Are you still worried about Mull Pasha soldiers?

Tintin: I'm just don't think they're goint to give up that easily. It took three days to arrange this boat, so they must know by now that we're heading out to sea.

Haddock: What a pessimist you are, Tintin. What do you think they'll do, send a squadron of battle ships after us?

Tintin: Well, not quite, but… Wait… Listen!

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! He's coming right for us! Hit the deck! Bandits! Pirates! Gangsters! Assassins!

Tintin: It's him or us this time. Look out! Got him!

Haddock: Ha ha ha! Good shooting, Tintin!

Tintin: Captain, what happened?

Haddock: I don't know… Some cowardly rat attacked me from behind.

Tintin: Look out!

Haddock: My "dose"!

Tintin: Sorry. Come on. There's no time to lose. We've got to build some kind of raft fast before the whole thing goes up in flames!

Gorgonzola: May I have the pleasure of this samba, Princess?

Princess: But of course, Marquis!

Captain: Excuse me, my lord, there is a radio call for you. It's urgent!

Gorgonzola: Awfully sorry, dear lady. Business, always business! I am indeed a veritable slave.

Princess: Don't give it another thought, Marquis.

Man: The Marquis Di Gorgonzola is a true gentleman.

Another man: Naturally, malicious tongues spread rumors that he has a shady past.

Gorgonzola: Alo? Sheherezade to Blue Goat. I'm listening.

Blue Goat: This is Blue Goat: powerful Mosquito has stung insects pest 1 and 2. Over.

Gorgonzola: Message understood. Over and out! Ha ha ha!

Haddock: Millions of blue blistering barnacles! We've saved two cases of provisions and no can opener! It's enough to drive you crazy!

Skut: Hey! Over here!

Tintin: There! It's the Mosquito pilot we shot down!

Haddock: So??? Let him take care of himself.

Skut: Hey! Help! Help me!

Tintin: Piotr Skut! I don't believe it's you!

Skut: I am... I am sorry.

Haddock: Sorry? Sorry?! You trigger-happy thug! Who put you up to this?

Skut: I...

Haddock: Speak up, you blithering bombardier or I'll deflate you.

Tintin: Captain!

Skut: Mull Pasha! he gave the orders, but I think his orders come from Di Grgonzola.

Tintin: Di Gorgonzola?

Skut: Please, careful with knife!

Tintin: So, tell me, Skut. Why were you shooting on us?

Skut: I take the job with Arab military, they tell me about these gunrunners and to sink you. I am sorry!

Tintin: Well, never mind. The important thing now is to survive. Try to drink some seawater.

Haddock: Never! That's salt water!

Tintin: Really, Captain, it's not all that bad.

Haddock: Are you out of your mind? You should never drink that. It's full of plankton that the fish eat.

Skut: This not good.

Haddock: Yahoo! There! A ship! We're saved! Just when you'd swallowed that liquid fish food.

Skut and Tintin: Hey! Over here!

Skut: The ship! She not see us…

Tintin: We've got to get their attention. Has anyone a mirror?

Skut: You want coat too?

Tintin: No, thanks! Just a mirror.

Haddock: Well done, sailor!

Captain: There, my lord! Shipwreck survivors! Three men and a little dog.

Gorgonzola: Tintin's alive!

Captain: Should I alter course, sir?

Gorgonzola: A waste of time. Proceed on course. And not a Word to the passengers, understood?

Man: Yoohoo! Marquis!

Woman: Marquis! Where are you?

Man: The castaways, my dear fellow, out there on the raft.

Woman: How madly romantic!

Gorgonzola: Yes, isn't it exciting? I've just given the order to pick them up.

Captain: But I...

Gorgonzola: Pick them up.

Captain: Yes, sir.

Woman: Oh, how gorgeous! I've always dreamed of seeing real castaways.

Skut, Tintin and Haddock: Hurray!

Gorgonzola: Parker, those people are not to have any contact with my guests. My name is not to be mentioned in front of them. Understand?

Castafiore: Can I believe my eyes? It's Tintin and his friend, the deep-sea fisherman Paddock! Art embrace the children of adventure.

Haddock: Castafiore?

Castafiore: On behalf of Marquis Di Gorgonzola.

Tintin: Gorgonzola!

Castafiore: Allow me to welcomeyou board the Sheherezade, carissimo mio.

Haddock: Let's hop back on the raft.

Castafiore: My dear Tintin and Captain Harrock.

Haddock: Harrock'n roll, signora Castaoily.

Captain: I'm sorry, signora, but his lordship has given orders. There is to be no cntact with the castaways. Risk of infection, you know.

Castafiore: My good man, I am not ill.

Gorgonzola: I must get rid of Tintin. I'm calling the Ramona. This is Rastapopoulos.

Allan: Ramona here. What's up, boss?

Rastapopoulos: Allan, set a course for my yacht immediately, I have some passengers for you.

Captain: Get dressed quickly! You're in luck: the freight of Ramona has agreed to carry to land.

Tintin: Uhm... Good. Fine I'm coming.

Woman: Our castaways! They're leaving!

Rastapopoulos: I wish you a pleasant journey, my dear friends.

Haddock: Ah, this is the place for me, back aboard a good old freighter.

Man: Here you two, these are your quarters.

Haddock: Why separate us? There's room for three here. Right Skut? Hey! Open up, you little manner savages! Open up!

Allan: Well, well, well…

Tintin and Haddock: Allan!

Allan: This is a happy reunion, isn't it? You old bottlenose. We must have a drink on it.

Tintin: What's going on? What are you doing here?

Allan: You still haven't figured it out, uh? I command this vessel and I work for Di Gorgonzola. My orders are to put you ashore at Wadesdah.

Haddock: That's murder. There's a price on our heads!

Allan: You're breaking my heart. But here, let's drink to my health.

Haddock: Not a chance! I don't drink with Di Gorgonzola's monkeys!

Allan: Suit yourself, but I'll just leave the bottle to console you. Well, bye for now. Sleep tight. Oh, by the way: you sleep under or over the sheet?

Haddock: Over? Not that way. Under? Blistering barnacles! Not that way either. Ah, who needs blankets? It's too hard anyway.

Allan: Pull, boys, pull! She'll blow any minute now.

Haddock: There. I'm already sleep. Too hot. Too hot. Assembly signal? Shake a leg there! All hands on deck!

Tintin: What's the matter, Captain.

Haddock: Get up and give me a hand!

Tintin: What are you doing? Well, it's great to be free, but, why the panic?

Haddock: Something's wrong. It's too quiet.

Tintin: Quick! Let's see what's happening.

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! The ship's on fire! Pirates! Filibusters! Salt water savages!

Allan: Eighteen tons of high explosives. It'll make a pretty Fireworks display.

Haddock: Hurry! We have to find a raft or something and get out of this tub.

Tintin: Who in the world could be down there?

Slave: Help! Please! Get us out!

Tintin: Let's get them out of there!

Haddock: Right!

Tintin: Hurry everyone! Hurry! This ship's on fire!

Haddock: You heard him! Move it!

Man: We must help put it out! Over here! Hurry!

Tintin: Explosives! Captain! Everybody! Over here!

Haddock: We almost got it beat!

Allan: What gives? Fire's gone out! Bring her about, boys!

Man: You saved our lives! How can we ever repay you?

Tintin: You can tell me why you were locked in that hole for starters.

Man: We are refugees. The men on this boat promised to take us to America. We paid them all we had. Our life savings.

Another man: Look! They are coming back!

Tintin: Captain! D'you think you can get the engines running?

Haddock: I'll need men for the stroke room.

Allan: Pull, boys, pull!

Man: Valve closed, Captain.

Haddock: Open valve two. Pour on the coal! Tintin, take the Wheel on!

Allan: Come on! Row! Row! What? She's pulling away!

Haddock: I don't know how we did it, but she is under way at last. Thanks to our crew. I'll send a distress signal! What? Skut! Say something!

Skut: You! Hurry! Escape! The fire! Explosives!

Tintin: lt's okay, Skut. The fire's out. But what happened to you? 

Skut: They try to make me go with them, but l refuse.Not without you. They then get angry and knocked me out.

Man: Come in, Ramona. This is Red Sea Shark, this is Red Sea Shark!

Skut: It's Di Gorgonzola's submarine.

Tintin: Submarine?

Skut: Ramona here. Come in, Shark. Come in, Shark.

Man: Finally! What's going on? I've been trying to reach you for hours.

Skut: Receiver was broken. But it's okay now.

Man: A sambuk is waiting for you at the usual place to pick up the cargo and your

Skut: Message received loud and clear, Shark, over and out.

Tintin: Is there any cargo on board, Captain?

Haddock: I've thoroughly inspected the ship and all the holds are empty except for the refugees.

Tintin: That's it! The cargois refugees and I'll bet those Sharks don't intend to take them to America either. They've already got their money. They probably intend to just dump them at sea! Captain, we'd better tell those people out there.

Skut: I'll send out an SOS. SOS! SOS! The Ramona needs help. SOS. This is the Ramona. We need immediate assistance.

Rastapopoulos: What? The Ramona is still afloat? That means Tintin must be still alive!

Man: This is the battleship US Los Angeles to Ramona. Your SOS received.

Rastapopoulos: So the navy's butting in on our little business. Well, it's not going to help Tintin. Calling Red Sea Shark. You must liquidate the Ramona.

Haddock: You musn't worry. We know who the guilty party is. As soon as we're all safe, believe me, he will be brought to justice!

Skut: Help arriving soon! USS Los Angeles, she is three hours away.

Haddock: Tintin! Come and see this!

Tintin: What is it, Captain?

Haddock: Have a look.

Tintin: Wow! Flying fish! Beautiful! Oh, no! Captain!

Haddock: Take it easy, Tintin. It's only a peris... peris...

Tintin: A Periscope headed straight for us!

Haddock: Battle stations! Clear the decks! Woman and children first!

Tintin: Calm down, Captain. 

Haddock: I'm perfectly calm. Tintin, you man the radio. Skut, you're at the wheel.

Tintin: Aye, aye, Captain!

Man: Stand by. Numer 1 tube.

Another man: Stand by number 1 tube.

Man: Number 1 tube. Fire!

Another man: Fire number 1!

Haddock: Torpedo to port! Hard-a-starboard!

Skut: Hard-a-starboard!

Man: Curses on them! They've swung away! Starboard 20 degrees. Speed 6 knots! Stand by, numer 2 tube.

Tintin: SOS! SOS! Ramona calling USS Los Angeles. We are being attacked by a submarine

USS Los Angeles: Message received, Ramona. We are coming to your assistance. Hold steady.

Rastapopoulos: Go ahead, Tintin. Call for help all you like You'll be shark bait long before help arrives.

Haddock: Thundering typhoons! Another torpedo to starboard. Full speed ahead! Billions of blue blistering barnacles! We're stuck in reverse! Infernal machine!

Man: Curse them again! They're going astern! They're tough those bys! Ready! Tubes 1 and 4! Still going astern. We've got them this time!

Haddock: Hello! Hello! Engine room!

Man: Hello? Hello?

Haddock: Too late! They got us!

Tintin: Those are the planes from the USS Los Angeles!

Haddock: Depth charges and I thought we'd been torpedoed

Tintin: Look! We're saved! They're surrendering!

Rastapopoulos: Still no news for Kurt and his submarine! The fools! What are they doing? Hello?

Captain: You'd better come to the bridge right away.

Rastapopoulos: All right! I'm coming!

Captain: It's the USS Los Angeles, sir, ordering to drop anchor.

Rastapopoulos: What impertinence! Stop the engines and launch my personal boat. I'll go myself and tell those insolent cowboys what I think of their manners.

Tintin: It looks like as if… Yes! They're dropping a launch!

Rastapopoulos: No, I insist, my friends. I will go alone.

Tintin: Rastapopoulos! He must be the Marquis Di Gorgonzola.

Haddock: Let me have a look at that wretched refugee swindler. Wait! He's sinking!

Woman: Oh! The Marquis! How horrible!

Tintin: I don't believe it. Is he finally gone for good?

Rastapopoulos: Try to catch me now, gentlemen. Ha ha ha ha!

Haddock: Well, what joy to be home again. Listen to those familiar sounds. The gardener mowing the lawn…

Calculus: Welcome back to Marlinspike!

Tintin: That's a funny way to welcome people home, Professor.

Calculus: Welcome back to Marlinspike, gentlemen.

Haddock: What on earth are those contraptions?

Calculus: Oh, no. On the contrary, I think that they are the solution to the terrible traffic problems in our modern cities. They're handy, lightweight, flexible...

Haddock: Fine! Fine! But where's Abdullah? 

Calculus: You wouldn't believe it: 40 mph.

Nestor: Oh, sir. I'm so glad to see you back.

Haddock: Nestor? What's happened to you?

Nestor: I... I'm afraid master Abdullah's visit was not very good for me, sir. But he's gone now. He left you a note.

Man on TV: And the Emir Ben Kalish Ezab is in power once again bringing political stability back to Khemed and ending the ilegal smuggling of refugees by the notorious international gangster Rastapopoulos, who's still missing at sea and presumed drowned.

Haddock: "My dear Blistering barnacles, I have been very good. I haven't play any jokes. I am a bit sad to leave, because it was fun at Marlinspike. With love from your friend Abdullah." Isn't that sweet? You know? He wasn't such a bad kid after... Billions of millions of blue blistering barnacles!

Tintin: Land of black gold. Script

You can watch the chapter here.

Tintin: The land of black gold

T&T: Half a gallon, please. Precisely. Let's turn on the radio. Yes. See if there's any news of the possible war.

Voice on radio: Flash! Reports of exploding vehicles are arising at an alarming rate. Experts fear that our fuel supplies may be contaminated. We'll have more news about the oil crisis following this. When one day your car goes boom, don't give up or in to gloom. Call Autocart, we'll be there soon on that day your car goes boom!

Boss: Speedol imports all of its oil from Khemedite and Middle East, yet in the past two months our fuel supplies become a serious threat. It's a catastrophe!

Tintin: Any idea what causes the fuel to explode?

Boss: That's the big question! We've sent experts, but the phenomenon remains a mystery. Excuse me. Yes?

Assistant: Sir? Professor Biggams is on the telephone.

Boss: Biggams is our top scientist. He must have found out what is causing the explosions. What is it, Biggams?

Biggams: Are you sure you want to still continue?

Boss: Well, of course I want you to continue with the research! What do you ask?

Biggams: Because, if we're to go on, sir, you're going to have to build me a new lab…

Tintin: It has to be sabotage… But how do you tamper with such a large amount of oil? You'd have to go to where all the oil is stored. The docks! Maybe I was wrong. I've been standing here for three hours and nothing's moved. Until now.

McPhee: The Speedol Star sails tomorrow morning. It Will reach by Thursday.

Bad guy: Give these documents to our contact there. They are vital to our success.

McPhee: I understand.

Bad guy: Someone's there!

McPhee: All right! Come on out! It's all right! It's only a dog!

Bad gy: We must leave. It's not safe to stay here any longer.

Tintin: That was close! Now, how do I get aboard the Speedol Star?

Captain: So, you're the new radio operator? Right. Get yourself below and find a bunk.

Tintin: Aye-aye, sir.

T&T: Just think, Thomson: going undercover to help the mayor of Khemedite fight a power-hungry terrorist. An important honour, Thompson. We must be sure not to attract any attention. Precisely, Thomson, we must blend in with the crew. No hope if we're found out. Best to stay lost in obscurity, but ever present in our duties. Precisely! Right you are, Thompson.

Tintin: Thompson and Thomson?

T&T: Shhh, we are undercover! Come on, Thomson! Let's ask that cabin boy where our bunks are. Excuse me, cabin boy.

Captain: Next time, call me Captain!

T&T: Let's find our cabins before we blow our cover. Precisely, we don't want to blow our attention before we attract any cover.

McPhee: That's the same dog from last night. Someone is on to me. I'd better get rid of those documents. Police!

T&T: Who? What? Where? How did you know?

McPhee: I'm from naval intelligence. It's my job to know these things. Listen! Someone on the ship is after me. They want these secret documents. I need you to hide them for me.

T&T: You've come to the right men, I mean... sailors.

McPhee: Good. Keep them until we get to Khemedite. But don't tell anyone.

T&T: You can count on us. We won't tell a soul. Precisely.

Voice on radio: Speedol Star, come in, please. This is Speedol headquarters.

Tintin: This is the Speedol Star. Go ahead.

Voice on radio: Troop movements by the enemy have been insighted. You're not to approach any port vessels.

Tintin: We read you headquarters. Over and out.

Captain: Better get some sleep, young man. You're going to need it if a war breaks out.

Tintin: Come on, Snowy. This is the perfect opportunity to find those documents. Snowy? Snowy! Cloroform! What woul someone be doing with… Snowy's been kidnap! Snowy! Snowy!

Sailor: I'll fit you

Tintin: No! My poor Snowy. A rat!

Sailor: So...

Tintin: Perhaps I can explain…

Sailor: Explain this! Come back here!

Tintin: Snowy! Snowy. All right. What were you doing with my dog?

McPhee: What dog?

Tintin: This dog!

McPhee: Dog? Dog?? A foggy dog? He he he he. A foggy dog on a log in the bog..

Tintin: Great. He's now himself silly. He was my only connection to the documents.

Mohammed: Captain, I'm Colonel Mohammed of the military police. We are here to search your ship.

Captain: Very well, Colonel.

Soldier: Cabin search!

Tintin: Go ahead.

T&T:

Soldier: Military police!

T&T:

Tintin: What's that?

T&T: Well, I don't like the way he's searching my suitcase.

Soldier: Aha!

T&T: The secret documents! They're not secret documents! They're secret diamonds!

Mohammed: These documents we found detail an arms shipment to the… Take this spy away! Theimmunes guards will question him further.

Tintin: No! It was a setup!

T&T: I think we've been framed, Thomson.

Soldier: That's enough, foolish diamond smuggler.

T&T: I guess he wasn't for naval intelligence after all.

Soldier: The young man has the information you're looking for. He had the documents about the arms smuggling.

Yussuf?: Excellent work! Bab El Ehr Will reward you when he comes to power.

Tintin: Snowy!

Bab El Ehr: Greetings! I'm Bab El Ehr.

Tintin: Bab El Ehr? But what I am doing here?

Bab El Ehr: My man arranged for you rescue. I understand you have news about my guns.

Tintin: Guns? What guns?

Bab El Ehr: You fool! You have been tricked by the emir! This man is a spy! Prepare to move out! Tie the spy and bring him along as a prisoner! Move! Move! Move!

T&T: Well, that was a close one, uh, Thompson? Precisely. Good thing I found our papers in order and let us go. Still I feel terrible about Tintin. We'll find him, Thompson. Don't you worry. Oh, look! An oasis! Good! We can fill the radiator. It was a mirage… Never mind, there's a town over there. We'll stop for a drink. Another mirage! What? Another mirage? Well, I'm not going to be fool this time.

Man: Oh, there it is. Hurry, spy! Curses! It is dry!

Tintin: I must have water…

Man: He's as good as dead.

Bab El Ehr: Untie him and leave him.

T&T: Look, Thomson! A real oasis! Bet I can dive farther tan you. Bet you can't! Bet I can.

Tintin: Snowy! Oh, no! They left us! Come on, Snowy! We have to find water. It's freezing… I wish… Horses! Hey! Over here! They're stopping! Hey! Wait a minute... What are they doing? Oh, no! They blew up the pipeline!

Müller: your horses! The alarm will be raised! Hurry!

Tintin: That voice… I know that voice! Better hurry, Ahmed.

Müller: Where is Ahmed? Ah, he's coming! We must split up in case the soldiers come after us. Ahmed, you come with me. Ride on!

Tintin: I'm sure I know that voice.

Müller: Hold my horse! I'm back in a moment.

Tintin: Müller! I was right. I did know that voice! Now where did he go?

Müller: Foolish, Ahmed. He should have learned that I always watch my back. Tintin! I'm tired that you interfering in my affairs. This time will be your last! Kruzitürcken! They are onto me already!

T&T: Watch out for those rocks, Thompson. We don't want to take any more chances with this mirage business. Right-o!

Müller: Good! They're going! Now to finish Tintin.

Tintin: Come on! Snowy! Oh, no! He's taking the horses! Now what do we do? That's a stroke of luck! Tire tracks! And I would say they're heading that way! Come on, Snowy. Let's go.

T&T: I think we're lost, Thompson. Look, up ahead! It's tire tracks! A road! Judging for all these tracks, this is quite a busy road. We should come across a town any minute.

Tintin: A regular highway, Snowy. Wait a minute. These tracks are all the same! Somebody is going around in circles.

T&T: Hey! Stop! Right-o! What's that? I'dbetter go and investigate. It's a petrol can. Somebody must have dropt it. Lucky us. I say! We've lost our petrol can too. We should took back and look for it. Precisely.

Tintin: Yeah. This driver is definitely lost, just like us. Oh, no! It's useless, Snowy. I can't see a thing! We'll just have to wait it out. Come on, boy! What's that? A car? Someone's out there! Help! Over here! Help!

T&T: We can't go on this. Let's get the roof on! Right! I say! This is windy!

Tintin: Hello! Over here! What was that? Hey! That's one of Thompson's hat. That must be their car. But they never hear me over this wind. Thompson! Thomson!

T&T: I say, what was that? What was what? I thought I heard a shot and someone calling our names. Don't be silly! It's just another mirage! Oh, right.

Tintin: Thompsn! Thomson!

T&T: There's the mirage again. I say, you don't hear mirage, do you? Of course not. You see them. But that means… Tintin!

Tintin: Thompsons!

T&T: My hat! It's been a long time. You've got that right.

Müller: Thank you for the meeting, your Highness. I hope you won't regret your decision. Good day.

Tintin: Müller!

Man: You are here about today's events in the market?

Tintin: Yes.

Man: Follow me.

Tintin: I'd better be on the lookout of Müller's here. Salam aleikum, Emir Mohammed Ben Kalish Ezab.

Emir: Aleikum salam. Please, sit down. Now, what did you want to see me about?

Tintin: Yesterday, I was in a jeep driven by two of my friends. It was involved in a bit of…

Emir: I know.They would be flogged!

Tintin: I've come to beg your mercy. These two men have been wandering in the desert. Lost and very exhausted.

Emir: I see. It shall be consider. But tell me: what were they doing in the desert? And what are you doing here dressed like a bedouin?

Tintin: It's a long story, noble Emir.

Emir: Oh, but I adore stories. Please, tell me.

Tintin: It all started when the fuel in my country began to blow up for no reason. Müller was leading the men that blew up the pipeline.

Emir: Müller? You have mistaken him for Bab El Ehr. This crook is trying to overthrow me with the support of Skoil petroleum.

Tintin: May I ask what Müller was doing here, your Highness?

Emir: Well, Müller wants me to sign a contract to sell oil to the Skoil Petroleum Corporation.

Tintin: I think I understand. If you sign the contract, the attacks will cease and Skoil oil will became the only oil company here.

Emir: So, why should I refuse to sign the contract?

Tintin: Because Skoil belongs to an enemy of our country. It would be a disaster in the case of war.

Emir: You're right. You know? I don't like Müller and this company of his. I refuse to sign the contract. You have opened my eyes. How can I reward you?

Tintin: By giving pardon to my Friends Thompson and Thomson.

Emir: Consider it done.

Tintin: Well, Snowy. It looks like we pretty well solved the mystery of black gold.

Emir: This is fascinating! Do go on with your story. You had recognized Dr. Müller and then what happened?

Tintin: Well, I was sneaking up from behind him when…

Man: Master! Master, your son! He is missing.

Emir: You must think me mad, but you see: my son, Prince Abdullah, loves to play little jokes.The adorable rascal. Come. We shall go play hide and seek with him. Abdullah, where are you, my little prince? The precious little prankster. He's always putting us on. Abdullah! Come out, come out wherever you are!

Tintin: Oh, oh...

Emir: Abdullah is becoming a master of the hide and seek game.

Tintin: I don't think is a game, your Highness…

Emir: What d'you mean?

Tintin: Was the Prince wearing a blue robe?

Emir: Of course not. My family only wears robes of black.

Tintin: Then you have an uninvited guest in your courtyard. Here's a piece of blue cloth I've just caught on a Branch. And look! These deep foot prints indicate that someone jump down from the tree. And judging by these scuff marks, this is where they must have climbed over the wall.

Emir: They? They?? Who are they?

Tintin: Whoever kidnapped your son.

Emir: Kidnapped? Preposterous! No one would dare to kidnap my son!

Man: Master! A horseman brought this letter.

Emir: No... It's unbelievable… Somebody has indeed kidnapped my son.

Tintin: Excuse me, you Highness… But I can't read Arabic.

Emir: It was that cursed dog Bab El Ehr. He says that if I don't sell my oil to Skoil instead of Speedol, I would never see my son again. Oooh, sneezing poder. A final joke of my sweet little cream puff.

Tintin: Your Highness, please, pull yourself together. We need to act quickly.

Emir: Yes. Of course. I will summon my military advisor. A cigar? Only the finest imports for my esteemed military advisor. And you, Tintin?

Tintin: No, thanks. I don't smoke.

Yussuf: Your Highness, action against Bab El Ehr has been taken.

Emir: Abdullah has switched my fine imports with tricked cigars. That little snake! When I get my hands on him… I'll give him the biggest hug.

Yussuf: Do not worry, your Highness. The Prince will soon be with you. My horsemen are ready. We shall not rest until we have track down that cursed Bab El Ehr.

Emir: I hope they find Bab El Ehr soon.

Tintin: Maybe. But they won't find your son.

Emir: What? What do you mean?

Tintin: Bab El Ehr didn't kidnap him.

Emir: But he signed the note.

Tintin: A trick by Müller. The note demanded you sell your oil to Skoil instead of Speedol.

Emir: So?

Tintin: So, by kidnapping your son, Müller is making sure it gets exactly what he wants.

Emir: That dog! Quick! We must stop the horsemen.

Tintin: No. Müller must think his plan has worked. That way he'll keep his guard down. What I need right now is a picture of your son. It's this a good likeness?

Emir: Yes, a handsome, boy. Takes after his father. Even in his absense he gets my goat. My little sweetness.

Tintin: Don't worry, Highness, I'll get him back. Just tell me where I can find Müller. Uh? Sneezing powder? Great snakes! It's senhor Oliveira de Figueroa!

Oliveira: Imagine that. I can even sold rollerskates in the desert.

Tintin: Excuse me, the man with the sneez, where did he go?

Oliveira: Most likely to Dr. Müller's castle. He is a servant there. All of them seem to have taken sick. Very strange, indeed. But what about you, sir? What can I show you today?

Tintin: Senhor Oliveira de Figueroa.

Oliveira: Tintin! This truly is the land of wonders. What brings you to this…

Tintin: I'm on a very important mission and I can use your help. But firt, tell me senhor: why have you chosen to settle down and set up business here?

Oliveira: I'm the main supplier to everyone in town! Except for the Emir... He has his own private suppliers… That lucky dogs…

Tintin: What about Dr. Müller?

Oliveira: I sell him many goods, but he's tough and cruel and...

Tintin: I'd like to pay him a little visit.

Oliveira: It is not a place which I would bring a stranger. He surrounds himself with many armed men.

Tintin: What if I made it worh your while?

Oliveira: But… How?

Tintin: Get me inside and I'll make sure you become the Emir's exclusive supplier.

Oliveira: It's quite easy! I go there each morning.

Tintin: Snowy! I wish I could've brought Snowy.

Oliveira: And ruin your disguise? He will be safe at my house.

Tintin: You're sure you can keep the guards distracted.

Oliveira: I will keep them occupied. Believe me. Good morning, my friend! How are you on this glorious day?

Guard: Who's the young stranger?

Oliveira: My nephew: Álvaro. Bless you, sir. Say: I have just the thing for that sneez: some beautiful handkerchief. Gentlemen, allow me to introduce my nephew from Portugal: Álvaro.

Guard: He doesn't belong here.

Oliveira: Bless you! I assure you Álvaro is perfectly harmless. He's an orphan… Poor lad… I've taken him into my family. To be honest, he's a little... How do you say it? Simple. Not suprising after what happened him. Álvaro, go play the garden. You see? Álvaro's father, a humble snail Farmer, decided that he wanted to see the world…

Tintin: Here goes nothing.

Oliveria: He married the pirate's daughter. Well! Imagine the adventures! One day, off the coast of Africa…

Tintin: It's already locked from the inside. But here's no one in here. What's this? A spokesman for Speedol had no explanation for the exploding gasoline. Why do I get the feeling that Müller knows something about this?

Oliveira: Suddenly, his raft sprung a leak. The sharks swam closer!

Müller: That Little pest with his sneezing powder. That brat! Kruzitürcken! Come out or I'll shoot!

Oliveira: And he was the only man she ever loved. Such a tragedy!

Müller: Who are you?

Tintin: I am Álvaro.

Müller: Tintin! I should have known!

Oliveira: And he never saw her again.

Tintin: Hello? Give me the Emir.

Emir: Tintin? Have you located me son?

Tintin: Not yet, but I'm closed. Listen your Highness, have Müller's castle surrounded immediately. The Prince is here in somewhere. Okay, Abdullah, here I come. An underground fortress

Murad: Master? Is that you? That's odd.

Tintin: Don't move and don't ake a sound or else. Now, you're going to take me to see the Emir's son. Step back from the door. Face the Wall and keep your hands up. Prince Abdullah? I've come to take you home.

Abdullah: Don't want to go.

Tintin: Hey!

Abdullah: Great! A fight!

Tintin: Let's go, Abdullah.

Abdullah: No!

Tintin: Abdullah! Open the store right now.

Abdullah: Don't want to.

Tintin: Fine! I'll go to the circus alone then. Got you!

Abdullah: I hate you! I shall tell my papa.

Tintin: Be quiet, Abdullah. He's gone!

Murad: There is an intruder in the tunnel.

Müller: No kidding. Alert the others.

Oliveira: Little they did know about that Álvaro had witnessd the whole sordid…

Murad: Intruder in the tunnel! Come quickly.

Oliveira: Send me my nephew home if you see him. Tintin better know what he's doing. Snowy! How did you escape?

Tintin: Come on!

Abdullah: Train tracks.

Tintin: Hey! Get back here!

Abdullah: No, I want to play trains! Choo, choo!

Tintin: Stop that! Come here!

Abdullah: Oh, no! Stopt it! Let me go!

Tintin: Let him go, Müller!

Müller: After him!

Abdullah: Let me go! Let me go! Let me go! You can't touch me! My father will throw in jail.

Tintin: Uh? Explosives?

Haddock: Take that, you desert brat!

Tintin: Uh? It can't be.

Haddock: Blue blistering barnacles!

Tintin: Captain?

Haddock: Tintin! Thundering typhoons!

Tintin: Snowy!

Haddock: He led me right to you. We'd never have found the tunnels without them.

Tintin: We?

Haddock: I came with the Emir's men. I was in his palace when you called?

Tintin: Your Highness! What's wrong?

Emir: Müller... He has escaped in his car with my little Abdullah. The two detectives are in pursuit, but what if they don't find them…

Tintin: Your Highness, can we get your car?

Emir: Certainly! Do bring my Little darling back to me!

Abdullah: I'm thirsty!

Müller: So am I.

Abdullah: I want an ice cream!

Haddock: You're sure this is the way?

Tintin: Positive!

T&T: I say: what did you step out when we were moving? Moving? That car passed so fast I thought we were standing still.

Tintin: Look! That must be Müller!

Abdullah: I want ice cream!

Müller: Ice cream…

Tintin: All right, Müller. We've got you!

Müller: One false move and the childs head it! Back away from the car!

Tintin: You won't get away with this!

Müller: Just watch me!

Haddock: Come back here! Beastly baby snatcher! Swine!

Abdullah: Let me go! Let me go!

Tintin: Captain! Guard the Prince! I'll shoot for the tires.

Abdullah: Come here! Play with me!

Haddock: Quit that! We've got to be quiet!

Abdullah: Let go me, you big bully!

Tintin: Müller! The police are coming! You're trapped!

Müller: I must get rid of formula 14. I swore you'd never take me alive.

Tintin: No! Don't do it! Müller!

Abdullah: It's my ink pistol.

T&T: I say: this sun is giving me a terrible headache. Uhm, what's this? Headache medicine! How convenient! What a stroke of luck! One for you and one for you!

Tintin: Thompson and Thomson! I have a Passenger for you.

T&T: Right! Get in the car, Müller! It must be the medicine.

Tintin: What?

T&T: I feel rather peculiar. To be precise me too.

Tintin: Hang on, detectives. We'll be at the hospital in no time. They'll figure out what is in these pills.

Müller: I'll make you a rich man if you destroy those.

Tintin: And forget about my Friends? No way, Müller!

Emir: Silence, my lambs, the news is on.

Man on TV: The mystery of the exploding cars has been solved. A substance known as formula 14 was being used to sabotage world oil supplies. The exploding cars were merely a test of the enemy's world plans.

Tintin: Just think of what they would have done if there was a war!

Emir: Without gas, your country would have been helpless!

Man on TV: Profesor Cuthbert Calculus has produced an antidote for formula 14. World oil supplies are now out of danger. Detectives Thompson and Thomson are now recovering after accidently swallowing formula 14. In other news…

Emir: Peace has returned to both our countries. I believe that goes for a fine cigar.

Haddock: Nothing like a cigar after saving the world.

Emir: Another trick from my little Abdullah. But he did promise not to be nice. Cute little boy, isn't he?

Haddock: Cute Little boy? Cute Little boy? Blistering barnacles!